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Offspring

Offline (the 03/30/2014 at 6:50am) | Search for a member

Offspring

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 28 December 1991 (22 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 4097
  • Number of comments : 64
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About Offspring : Started out 21 planetary revolutions ago. Love all music, but metal's my favorite. Whether it be black, death, thrash, heavy, it doesn't matter; they're all good to me. I'm currently in school working on my associates degree.

Send a message if you want; you're more than welcome to.

Offspring's page activity

Visits<b>ArtemisGide</b> - the 08/05/2014 at 6:18pm<b>maxymum7</b> - the 07/02/2014 at 1:14pm<b>BBlah</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 6:10am<b>gunner_12</b> - the 05/29/2014 at 6:37pm<b>anonymous188</b> - the 05/16/2014 at 2:47pm<b>tk14</b> - the 04/10/2014 at 7:36pm<b>tagallopes</b> - the 04/05/2014 at 3:26pm<b>NWO666</b> - the 04/05/2014 at 1:54pm<b>happylappy</b> - the 03/31/2014 at 3:29am<b>creativebeauty</b> - the 03/30/2014 at 6:10am<b>swampbaby985</b> - the 03/30/2014 at 4:01am<b>trencher97</b> - the 01/13/2014 at 8:16am<b>sleeplessjimmy</b> - the 11/01/2013 at 11:08am<b>jazzybrar</b> - the 10/18/2013 at 12:51am<b>HitTheRoadJacK3</b> - the 09/19/2013 at 2:33am<b>mygundropsbass</b> - the 08/27/2013 at 11:07pm<b>IrishGirl12</b> - the 08/23/2013 at 12:30pm<b>averbell</b> - the 08/19/2013 at 8:43pm

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Offspring's favorite FMLs

Today, my dad asked me when I was going to start looking for a job. Jokingly, I told him next year. He got pissed, started to yell, then realized Tuesday is New Year's Day and grounded me for "being a dumbass." FML

#20432925
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27467) - you deserved it (8268)

On 12/30/2012 at 10:51pm - work - by BAMN2187 - United States

Today, after having sex for the first time with my girlfriend, I realised I was in love with her. I noticed she had an eyelash on her breast. After tugging it a few times I realised it was actually a single black nipple hair. She was so embarrassed, she kicked me out and now won't return my calls. FML

#20426821
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32495) - you deserved it (25180)

On 12/27/2012 at 10:06pm - intimacy - by ohman (man) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, my English professor accused me of plagiarizing a poem I submitted, because she'd read it online earlier that day. The poem was mine; I posted it after writing it for her class, and even after logging into the site to prove it, she reported me to the school. FML

Today, I went to the hospital in labor expecting a baby boy. I ended the day with identical twins, a baffled doctor, and a husband convinced that our sons can clone themselves. FML

#20139353
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25580) - you deserved it (2376)

On 10/29/2012 at 9:30pm - kids - by CutestBoysEver (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has secretly been conditioning me to get turned on by the smell of bananas. Guess whose new co-worker peels a nice, fragrant banana five times a day. FML

#20139261
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28954) - you deserved it (2808)

On 10/29/2012 at 8:42pm - intimacy - by SadExperiment (man) - United States (California)

Today, I broke a nail at school. The edge kept getting caught on things, so I thought I could file it down by rubbing it on my jeans. Apparently it looked like I was doing something else, because I was called into the principal's office to discuss why "certain things" should be done in private. FML

#20139255
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28600) - you deserved it (4784)

On 10/29/2012 at 8:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was woken up by my husband attempting to breastfeed off my lactating nipples. FML

#20139029
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22077) - you deserved it (2778)

On 10/29/2012 at 6:22pm - misc - by Indianagirl94 (woman) - United States

Today, I saw a folder on my son's PC named "PussyPictures". I sat him down for a talk, only to be told they contained pictures of the James Bond character Pussy Galore, for his essay about sexism in movies. He's now mocking me for "having a dirty mind". FML

#20135671
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9013) - you deserved it (32830)

On 10/27/2012 at 3:28pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML

#20111886
522 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74905) - you deserved it (8768)

On 10/11/2012 at 10:30am - kids - by wdunn69733 - United States (Georgia)

Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML

#20079475
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59369) - you deserved it (3052)

On 09/19/2012 at 4:41pm - intimacy - by identitychangeplease - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML

#20071956
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24000) - you deserved it (2788)

On 09/14/2012 at 7:06pm - kids - by -___- (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I was enjoying a romantic cuddle on the couch with my boyfriend, when he suddenly decided to lift up my shirt, stick his face into my boobs, and go all Darth Vader on me. This included heavy breathing and phrases such as, "Amber... I am your boyfriend." FML

#20024327
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23889) - you deserved it (6198)

On 08/16/2012 at 11:16am - love - by Amberain (woman) - United Kingdom (Halton)

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

#19793582
401 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37190) - you deserved it (4001)

On 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm - misc - by 16590 (man) - Sweden

Today, my little brother got his crush to go out with him by impressing her with his level 500 FarmVille. This is the next generation. FML

#19708903
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27701) - you deserved it (2152)

On 05/31/2012 at 8:43am - kids - by Discouraged - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend showed me a YouTube video of him popping a huge blackhead on his forehead. He told me he had been "growing" it for more than 2 years now. I have been caressing and kissing that thing for almost 2 years because I thought it was a beauty mark. FML

#17839150
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31044) - you deserved it (15101)

On 09/26/2011 at 12:58pm - misc - by Yuuucky (woman) - Canada (Quebec)



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  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

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