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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Offspring

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Offspring
  • Town/Country : Houston, US
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2741
  • Number of comments : 27
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Offspring : 19, pics really outdated though. Love all music, but metal's my favorite. Whether it be black, death, thrash, heavy, it doesn't matter; they're all good to me Currently working, going to school whenever I raise the funds.

Send a message if you want; you're more than welcome to.

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Offspring's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend showed me a YouTube video of him popping a huge blackhead on his forehead. He told me he had been "growing" it for more than 2 years now. I have been caressing and kissing that thing for almost 2 years because I thought it was a beauty mark. FML

#17839150 (202)

I agree, your life sucks (23514) - you deserved it (9913)

On 09/26/2011 at 12:58pm - misc - by Yuuucky (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I had a cop pull me over because he claimed that he saw me taking a bunch of colorful pills at the previous stop sign. I was eating skittles. FML

#17502057 (220)

I agree, your life sucks (29841) - you deserved it (1850)

On 08/17/2011 at 5:50pm - misc - by candymansvan17 - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, the guy at Subway asked if I wanted to make my sandwich a footlong. I'm not sure what came over me, but before I realized what I was saying, I'd told him that I couldn't handle 12 inches. FML

#17470290 (170)

I agree, your life sucks (8276) - you deserved it (2763)

On 08/14/2011 at 1:44pm - misc - by Username - United States (New York)

Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML

#17468167 (43)

I agree, your life sucks (12080) - you deserved it (2679)

On 08/14/2011 at 7:20am - misc - by Goaway - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boyfriend got mugged. I found out because the mugger had the courtesy to ring me, after I texted several times asking where he was, to say "He won't reply. He got robbed." FML

#13634930 (150)

I agree, your life sucks (21468) - you deserved it (1838)

On 10/29/2010 at 2:12am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I found out how mature the guy I'm seeing is. After sex, he took the condom off and hit me in the face with it. FML

#8889344 (212)

I agree, your life sucks (19556) - you deserved it (4174)

On 03/07/2010 at 9:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I realized explosive diarrhea can happen, and at the most inopportune times, such as on the day of MY wedding. At the alter while my husband said his vows. FML

#8658648 (167)

I agree, your life sucks (41575) - you deserved it (1801)

On 02/26/2010 at 5:23am - love - by pain (woman) - Japan

Today, I walked over to my grandmother's house to pay her a visit. I politely knocked on the door, and there was no answer. Fearing that something had happened, I violently broke down the door to find my grandma and her new 80 year old boyfriend having sex. FML

#8643603 (197)

I agree, your life sucks (18307) - you deserved it (4353)

On 02/25/2010 at 5:30pm - intimacy - by ryan and Zack - United States (Michigan)

Today, I woke up at a strangers house after a long night of drinking. Before leaving, I decided to steal some mouthwash so I didn't smell like a liquor store. Thinking of the night before, I instinctively downed the Listerine like a shot and puked everywhere. FML

#7036487 (113)

I agree, your life sucks (3122) - you deserved it (26661)

On 12/30/2009 at 2:08pm - misc - by jagerbombs (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

#5828114 (225)

I agree, your life sucks (66538) - you deserved it (9413)

On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I finally got a Wii Fit to try and lose some weight. I came home and set it all up, only to be told that I weigh too much to actually use it. FML

#3550811 (341)

I agree, your life sucks (47132) - you deserved it (22300)

On 07/07/2009 at 10:31am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML

#2799622 (1232)

I agree, your life sucks (31574) - you deserved it (473699)

On 06/11/2009 at 12:06pm - misc - by I_Am_The_Edge (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to play the role of superman in a production on stage. They had to stuff my underwear because my 'thing' wasn't big enough. FML

#2769644 (207)

I agree, your life sucks (61255) - you deserved it (4713)

On 06/10/2009 at 11:46am - misc - by superman_not (man) - United Kingdom (Perth and Kinross)

Today, I was taking a picture with my friend. Her camera can pick out a certain color and only have that color show up in the picture. She chose yellow because of the yellow on my dress. When she showed me the picture, the sash wasn't the only yellow thing; my teeth showed up, too. FML

#2619550 (148)

I agree, your life sucks (32901) - you deserved it (11472)

On 06/05/2009 at 12:21am - misc - by becstar90 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while working at the hospital, I had a patient with a blocked bowel. It was so bad, feces were entering into her stomach. While leaning down to talk with her, she threw up. I was both vomited and defecated on at the same time. FML

#2593588 (329)

I agree, your life sucks (54264) - you deserved it (2427)

On 06/04/2009 at 8:07am - work - by Mew (man) - United States (California)