www.myspace.com/lordofblackfire
Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29501) - you totally deserved it (4111)
On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my boyfriend of almost a year told me he thinks he might be gay. I took off my shirt, sexily climbed over him and began to kiss him passionately. "What do you think now?" I said seductively. His response? "Now I'm sure I'm gay." FML
I agree, your life sucks (53154) - you totally deserved it (10182)
On 06/11/2009 at 9:18pm - love - by Lexxi (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5792) - you totally deserved it (161474)
On 06/11/2009 at 12:06pm - misc - by I_Am_The_Edge (man) - United States (California)
Today, I had to play the role of superman in a production on stage. They had to stuff my underwear because my 'thing' wasn't big enough. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50593) - you totally deserved it (3566)
On 06/10/2009 at 11:46am - misc - by superman_not (man) - United Kingdom (Perth and Kinross)
Today I was taking a picture with my friend who has a camera which can pick out a certain color and only have that color show up in the picture. She chose yellow because of the yellow on my dress, and when she showed me the picture the sash wasn't the only yellow thing-my teeth showed up too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29122) - you totally deserved it (9606)
On 06/05/2009 at 12:21am - misc - by becstar90 (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, while working at the hospital, I had a patient with a blocked bowel. It was so bad, feces were entering into her stomach. While leaning down to talk with her, she proceeded to throw up. I was both vomited and defecated on at the same time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48115) - you totally deserved it (1859)
On 06/04/2009 at 8:07am - work - by Mew (man) - United States (California)
Today, I moved out of my apartment and thought it would be nice to leave the roll of toilet paper in the bathroom for the next tenant. I later got a notice from the management that I was being charged $50 for leaving behind "personal items." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39910) - you totally deserved it (4211)
On 05/29/2009 at 9:59am - money - by alynn (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML
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On 05/24/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by helloitsbrian6969 (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death" (my dildo). FML
I agree, your life sucks (51257) - you totally deserved it (23511)
On 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm - kids - by a (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, I was at the mall blasting music, I was wearing a nice shirt and had my ipod in my breast pocket when I noticed a cute girl smiling at me so I smiled back and she started to walk over while turning down my music while smiling. It looked like I was rubbing my nipple. FML
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On 05/20/2009 at 11:08pm - love - by zero_minded12 (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, after the church service was over, my two year old granddaughter started to sing into the microphone. She said, "Here Nana, you sing". I picked up the microphone and proceeded to sing " Jesus Loves Me". She took the microphone back and said, "No he doesn't." FML
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On 05/19/2009 at 10:04am - kids - by nana (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping in the dog world meant dominance. Well, I decided to instill my dominance and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" and then my mom walked in. FML
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On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - misc - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML
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On 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by KAAALIS (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I asked my parents if the outfit I was wearing made me look fat. My mom looked at me and paused for a while, and my dad said, "honey, that outfit doesn't make you look fat. Your fat makes you look fat." FML
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On 03/12/2009 at 3:49pm - health - by mugs (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML
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On 03/11/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by SpiderMan (man) - United States (Michigan)
