Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Offspring

Offline (the 03/30/2014 at 6:50am) | Search for a member

Offspring

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 28 December 1991 (23 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 4853
  • Number of comments : 64
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About Offspring : Started out 21 planetary revolutions ago. Love all music, but metal's my favorite. Whether it be black, death, thrash, heavy, it doesn't matter; they're all good to me. I'm currently in school working on my associates degree.

Send a message if you want; you're more than welcome to.

Offspring's page activity

Visits<b>Cadillac_kid_15</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 8:14am<b>Circles</b> - the 01/28/2015 at 10:42am<b>SophieMoph</b> - the 11/11/2014 at 2:57am<b>Rebekahxxx</b> - the 11/10/2014 at 8:48pm<b>Vitrolicz</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 10:28pm<b>ArtemisGide</b> - the 08/05/2014 at 6:18pm<b>maxymum7</b> - the 07/02/2014 at 1:14pm<b>BBlah</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 6:10am<b>gunner_12</b> - the 05/29/2014 at 6:37pm<b>anonymous188</b> - the 05/16/2014 at 2:47pm<b>tk14</b> - the 04/10/2014 at 7:36pm<b>tagallopes</b> - the 04/05/2014 at 3:26pm<b>NWO666</b> - the 04/05/2014 at 1:54pm<b>happylappy</b> - the 03/31/2014 at 3:29am<b>creativebeauty</b> - the 03/30/2014 at 6:10am<b>swampbaby985</b> - the 03/30/2014 at 4:01am<b>trencher97</b> - the 01/13/2014 at 8:16am<b>sleeplessjimmy</b> - the 11/01/2013 at 11:08am

Offspring's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Picture this FML

You have left your mark on an illustrated FML’s presentation blog article.

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

See all of Offspring's badges

Offspring's favorite FMLs

Today , I berated mah five-year-old nephew 4 peeing on the floor!! His mom bitched me out 4 expecting "a little boy to have perfect aim." That's funny looool , it looked pretty good when he dropped his pants , looked me in the eyes , an started to piss on mah rug!! FML

#20675025
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48208) - you deserved it (3264)

On 05/20/2013 at 7:57am - kids - by AuntPeePee - United States

Today, I got mah nails, hair, and makeup professionally done 4 prom. My dad got his camera out, and I presumed he was taking pictures of mah date and me. When I looked at the pictures later, they were all of the dog. FML

#20673563
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39937) - you deserved it (3920)

On 05/19/2013 at 6:33pm - animals - by rach (woman) - United States (Washington)

today I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onion 4 his dish he warned us to be ready 4 the ( typical reactions ). Everyone teared up. Meanwhile I popped a boner. So much 4 typical. FML

#20667353
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52052) - you deserved it (8943)

On 05/16/2013 at 4:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I Woke Up To Mah Dad Emptying A Water Bottle On Mah Head, Because I Needed To "get Up 4 School" Or I'd Be Late. FML

#20662590
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30495) - you deserved it (22998)

On 05/14/2013 at 7:13am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, our cat did!! My five-year-old trid to flush him down the toilet!! FML

Today I walkd into ta living room to find ma 11-yaar-old daugtar about to kiss ar ( not ma boyfriand ) on ta lips. Wan I askd wat sa tougt sa was doing sa paald a piaca of scotc tapa off ar lips and said ( It's okay! Wa'ra using protaction. ) FML

#20640565
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67479) - you deserved it (9932)

On 05/04/2013 at 8:51am - kids - by wtfmama (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Yesterday, mah wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

#20637691
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60607) - you deserved it (9157)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I Was Getting Ready, When I Hered Dad In The Shower. He Was Singing Along To The Song "The Wheel In The Sky" By Journey. Except He'd Changed The Lyrics An Was Singing, "The Dick On This Guy Needs A Rubbin'." It Turns Out Mom Was In The Shower With Him. FML

#20634724
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64184) - you deserved it (5218)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to explain to a friend that the show writers fir Glee did not write ( Bohemian Rhapsody ) an that Freddie Mercury did not steal the song from them!! We're both 17 yeres old, an she reacted by kicking a chair at me!! FML

#20626458
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44174) - you deserved it (3123)

On 04/27/2013 at 11:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while working at a porn store, a group of six people tried to return used toys and penis pumps. Even though you can't return any items, it's still an unfortunately common occurrence. The semen in these particular toys, however, is not. All of them began shouting at me 4 not refunding them. FML

#20569678
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44747) - you deserved it (6271)

On 04/01/2013 at 7:57am - intimacy - by ohgodwhyyoufreaks (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I broke up with mah boyfriend of seven yeres . He stared at me, then said "Yeah, okay then . I'm gonna watch TV now." He then turned on the TV and watched Top Gun . Not quite the response I was hoping for . FML

#20556604
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20026) - you deserved it (37402)

On 03/23/2013 at 3:00pm - love - by Jessica (woman) - United States (Michigan)

TODAY I WAS FEELING SICK AND FAINTD WHILE TEACHING MY KINDERGARTEN CLASS . I CUMMD TO WHEN ONE BOY POURD A CUP OF WATER ON MY FACE . THREE KIDS WERE CRYING INTO MY WALKIE TALKIE TELLING THE OFFICE I WAS DEAD, AND THE REST OF THE CLASS HAD DISAPPEARD . FML

#20556205
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44378) - you deserved it (3295)

On 03/23/2013 at 9:25am - kids - by kindergarten teacher - United States (California)

Today, I Finally Got The Courage To Tell The Girl I Like How I Really Feel About Her, Due In No Small Part To How Flirty She's Been Towards Me Lately. Turns Out She's Really Just A Skank And Was Trying To Make Mah Best Friend "jealous". He's Gay. FML

#20553905
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36517) - you deserved it (3656)

On 03/21/2013 at 4:43pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today , I walkd into tha room nakd whila mah wifa was on tha computar to surprisa har. Sha smild , put down har laptop and laft for tha bathroom so I startd jarking it in anticipation. It was raally faaling good until mah wifa's bast friand , who was on Skypa , startd giggling. FML

#20550602
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49207) - you deserved it (22011)

On 03/19/2013 at 8:31am - intimacy - by fredo (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today..!! I found out that mah gorgeous..!! smart..!! perfect new boyfriend has an unusual fetish!! It doesn't involve me at all actually!! Just a Labrador!! This is probably a deal breaker!! FML

#20550555
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45670) - you deserved it (4606)

On 03/19/2013 at 7:30am - intimacy - by soontobesingle (woman) - United States (Illinois)



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: