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Offspring

Offline (the 03/30/2014 at 6:50am) | Search for a member

Offspring

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 28 December 1991 (22 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 4085
  • Number of comments : 64
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About Offspring : Started out 21 planetary revolutions ago. Love all music, but metal's my favorite. Whether it be black, death, thrash, heavy, it doesn't matter; they're all good to me. I'm currently in school working on my associates degree.

Send a message if you want; you're more than welcome to.

Offspring's page activity

Visits<b>ArtemisGide</b> - the 08/05/2014 at 6:18pm<b>maxymum7</b> - the 07/02/2014 at 1:14pm<b>BBlah</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 6:10am<b>gunner_12</b> - the 05/29/2014 at 6:37pm<b>anonymous188</b> - the 05/16/2014 at 2:47pm<b>tk14</b> - the 04/10/2014 at 7:36pm<b>tagallopes</b> - the 04/05/2014 at 3:26pm<b>NWO666</b> - the 04/05/2014 at 1:54pm<b>happylappy</b> - the 03/31/2014 at 3:29am<b>creativebeauty</b> - the 03/30/2014 at 6:10am<b>swampbaby985</b> - the 03/30/2014 at 4:01am<b>trencher97</b> - the 01/13/2014 at 8:16am<b>sleeplessjimmy</b> - the 11/01/2013 at 11:08am<b>jazzybrar</b> - the 10/18/2013 at 12:51am<b>HitTheRoadJacK3</b> - the 09/19/2013 at 2:33am<b>mygundropsbass</b> - the 08/27/2013 at 11:07pm<b>IrishGirl12</b> - the 08/23/2013 at 12:30pm<b>averbell</b> - the 08/19/2013 at 8:43pm

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Offspring's favorite FMLs

Today, I berated my five-year-old nephew for peeing on the floor. His mom bitched me out for expecting "a little boy to have perfect aim." That's funny, it looked pretty good when he dropped his pants, looked me in the eyes, and started to piss on my rug. FML

#20675025
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47120) - you deserved it (3175)

On 05/20/2013 at 7:57am - kids - by AuntPeePee - United States

Today, I got my nails, hair, and makeup professionally done for prom. My dad got his camera out, and I presumed he was taking pictures of my date and me. When I looked at the pictures later, they were all of the dog. FML

#20673563
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39819) - you deserved it (3906)

On 05/19/2013 at 6:33pm - animals - by rach (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML

#20667353
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50278) - you deserved it (8701)

On 05/16/2013 at 4:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I woke up to my dad emptying a water bottle on my head, because I needed to "get up for school" or I'd be late. FML

#20662590
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30325) - you deserved it (22948)

On 05/14/2013 at 7:13am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, our cat died. My five-year-old tried to flush him down the toilet. FML

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

#20640565
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67159) - you deserved it (9911)

On 05/04/2013 at 8:51am - kids - by wtfmama (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

#20637691
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60451) - you deserved it (9135)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey. Except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML

#20634724
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61681) - you deserved it (4982)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to explain to a friend that the show writers for Glee did not write "Bohemian Rhapsody" and that Freddie Mercury did not steal the song from them. We're both 17 years old, and she reacted by kicking a chair at me. FML

#20626458
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42879) - you deserved it (3021)

On 04/27/2013 at 11:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while working at a porn store, a group of six people tried to return used toys and penis pumps. Even though you can't return any items, it's still an unfortunately common occurrence. The semen in these particular toys, however, is not. All of them began shouting at me for not refunding them. FML

#20569678
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42935) - you deserved it (6072)

On 04/01/2013 at 7:57am - intimacy - by ohgodwhyyoufreaks (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of seven years. He stared at me, then said "Yeah, okay then. I'm gonna watch TV now." He then turned on the TV and watched Top Gun. Not quite the response I was hoping for. FML

#20556604
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19561) - you deserved it (36550)

On 03/23/2013 at 3:00pm - love - by Jessica (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was feeling sick and fainted while teaching my kindergarten class. I came to when one boy poured a cup of water on my face. Three kids were crying into my walkie talkie telling the office I was dead, and the rest of the class had disappeared. FML

#20556205
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43521) - you deserved it (3228)

On 03/23/2013 at 9:25am - kids - by kindergarten teacher - United States (California)

Today, I finally got the courage to tell the girl I like how I really feel about her, due in no small part to how flirty she's been towards me lately. Turns out she's really just a skank and was trying to make my best friend "jealous". He's gay. FML

#20553905
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36314) - you deserved it (3629)

On 03/21/2013 at 4:43pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML

#20550602
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47913) - you deserved it (21522)

On 03/19/2013 at 8:31am - intimacy - by fredo (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I found out that my gorgeous, smart, perfect new boyfriend has an unusual fetish. It doesn't involve me at all actually. Just a Labrador. This is probably a deal breaker. FML

#20550555
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43496) - you deserved it (4412)

On 03/19/2013 at 7:30am - intimacy - by soontobesingle (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

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