About OctoDope : I really dont feel like writing out a whole bio.
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OctoDope's favorite FMLs
Today, I witnessed a large woman pee on a pregnancy test in the middle of a Walmart parking lot, clean herself off, then wander around with the test hanging out of her mouth, waiting for her result. Where in the name of Christ do these people come from? FML
by Anonymous / 06/02/2013 at 2:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my sisters and I pitched together nearly $500 to send my mom to the spa for Mother's Day. We put the printed sheet with her info into a little box with our card on top. When she opened it, she freaked out and started hugging my dad. Turns out he switched the cards and took all the credit. FML
by lachaisse / 05/12/2013 at 8:09am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work, I was trying to get the octopus out of its tank to transfer it to another one. It instantly latched to my face and sprayed ink all over me. My boss told me to stop playing with the animals. FML
by FenRackety / 05/10/2013 at 8:37am / Canada / Animals
Today, a customer came up to me and asked if I knew where the make-up aisle was. I pointed him in the right direction but he just gasped and said, "Oh so you DO know where it is!" and walked away, roaring with laughter. FML
by apparentlytoougly / 03/27/2013 at 3:29am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I finally told my dad about how I've been diagnosed with clinical depression. He began to recite a commercial for depression meds, but he couldn't finish because he was overwhelmed with laughter. FML
by depressed / 03/09/2013 at 9:05pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by me. / 12/01/2012 at 9:54am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/10/2012 at 5:48pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy
Today, I found out just how easy it is to be launched against the wall and sucker-punched into oblivion by a 200-pound former Marine turned professional body-builder. I discovered this after I told my fiancée's dad that we were expecting a baby. FML
by fuckjuggalos / 06/29/2012 at 7:57pm / United States (Oregon) / Health
Today, my doctor booked me in for an STD test. I was feeling confident until he explained it will involve having a catheter inserted into my piss pipe. He shook his head sadly and said: "Gonna be honest, Steve, the pain's beyond belief." Great. FML
by 0stvn0 / 03/15/2012 at 9:18pm / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Intimacy
Today, my mother surprised me with a new alarm clock. It's attached to a toy car which races around my room with obnoxious sirens going at full blast until I crawl out of bed and turn it off. She says this will be a regular thing. FML
by poop / 02/28/2012 at 2:10am / United States / Transportation
Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting a historical war bunker when I accidentally let rip a small fart. My boyfriend responded with a horribly loud, horrendous fart, and loudly announced, "This is war." There were people, lots of people. FML
by Dani / 11/28/2011 at 7:34am / Reserved / Miscellaneous
by beccav23 / 10/25/2011 at 12:08pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, at work, a weird old woman came up to me and told me that it's okay: being ugly isn't a choice, it's nothing to be ashamed of, and that it's what inside that counts. She then hugged me and walked away. FML
by ugly? / 09/20/2011 at 4:08am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Branman2480 / 09/19/2011 at 1:09am / United States (New York) / Work
by Anonymous / 09/02/2011 at 2:54am / United States (California) / Love
- Today, my grandfather called me after not contacting for almost ten years and told me that he wants… Today, during sex, my man took out my vibrator. He insisted that he carefully study every possible… Today, I asked my bestfriend if she wanted to go to the movies, when the time came to go she didn't…