About OceanBlueSea : Here are some quotes that amuse me:
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship."
"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."
"Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich."
"Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason."
"Crowded elevators smell different to midgets."
"Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy."
"He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame."
As I said before, here are SOME....it would take way too long for all of em'.
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Today, I got to drive my mom's car. I'd recently watched the new Fast and Furious movie, I thought it'd be fun to drift around a few corners. I ended up smashing straight into someone's front yard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15434) - you deserved it (90261)
On 06/07/2013 at 6:00pm - money - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (41021) - you deserved it (50902)
On 06/07/2013 at 3:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my little sister was scared to sleep alone, so my parents made her sleep in bed with me. I barely slept, due to the utter terror of waking up to her chanting into my ear in a low whisper, "This is where you die, this is where you die..." FML
I agree, your life sucks (44225) - you deserved it (2758)
On 06/06/2013 at 2:47pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Isle of Man
Today, I got a promotion and transfer at work. My first responsibility is to fire my soon to be father in-law. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50229) - you deserved it (2468)
On 06/06/2013 at 1:08am - work - by hesgonnahateme - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I saw a man on my bike that was stolen a few years ago. I asked him if I could have my bike back just wondering what he'd say. He calmly replied, "Hell no, I stole this fair and square." FML
I agree, your life sucks (49794) - you deserved it (5174)
On 06/06/2013 at 12:14am - misc - by anonymous - United States (California)
Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. 20 minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47744) - you deserved it (3407)
On 06/05/2013 at 6:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)
Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45625) - you deserved it (4027)
On 06/05/2013 at 11:08am - misc - by Thanks Honey (woman) - United States
Today, a deaf customer came to my work. In an attempt to connect with him I introduced myself in sign language. He just rolled his eyes and pointed at my name tag. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40453) - you deserved it (10509)
On 06/05/2013 at 5:46am - work - by WOWBear - United States (Arizona)
Today, my wife uttered the soul-crushing words, "But we're married now, why would we have sex?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (63410) - you deserved it (5773)
On 06/04/2013 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by ._. (man) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)
Today, my boyfriend lost his temper with me and complained that my "constant" apologies for upsetting him drive him insane, and without thinking, I said I was sorry. He hung up and I haven't heard from him since. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36234) - you deserved it (17140)
On 06/04/2013 at 4:55pm - love - by cupcakechick (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, after finally seeing a psychologist about the death of my dad and spending the longest hour of my life confessing every thought I've experienced in the 6 years since his passing, my psychologist asked me if I was walking home or if my dad would be picking me up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (65901) - you deserved it (2792)
On 06/04/2013 at 8:35am - health - by irishbubble (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, while sexting my girlfriend, I accidently sent a picture to her father instead of her. He sent back a link to a penis enlargement company's website. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27306) - you deserved it (58252)
On 06/04/2013 at 8:15am - misc - by tinypenis - United States (New York)
Today, my parents blew my entire college fund in their quest to finish building their replica Hobbit house in our back yard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51633) - you deserved it (4712)
On 06/03/2013 at 3:22pm - money - by future burger flipper (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, while at my aunt's funeral, my grandma who has terrible memory loss asked me whose funeral we were at. I had to explain to her that her daughter had died. FML
I agree, your life sucks (70146) - you deserved it (2669)
On 06/03/2013 at 1:32am - misc - by Me - United States (Illinois)
Today, my dad watched his first Lord of the Rings marathon. Now he keeps randomly spouting lines from the movies, and thought it'd be funny to hide in my closet, just to jump out at me while screaming, "My precious!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (38611) - you deserved it (6227)
On 06/02/2013 at 6:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Thurrock)
Monday 17 June 2013
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