About OceanBlueSea : Here are some quotes that amuse me:
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship."
"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."
"Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich."
"Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason."
"Crowded elevators smell different to midgets."
"Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy."
"He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame."
As I said before, here are SOME....it would take way too long for all of em'.
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Today, my friends and I were talking about the creepy stranger that used to stalk me back in high school. I guess his looks changed a lot through the years because I found out that he's my current boyfriend of 4 months. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28389) - you deserved it (7426)
On 05/24/2013 at 10:00am - love - by datgirl92 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, after months of being pestered to do so, I finally read the first Harry Potter book. I hated it. Upon hearing this, my girlfriend posted the fact on Facebook, where I immediately received tons of abuse and eventual shunning by my friends, family, and coworkers. My girlfriend just laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17639) - you deserved it (20858)
On 05/24/2013 at 8:26am - misc - by obnum - United States (New York)
Today, my 6-year-old son spotted a bumper sticker that said, "Get any closer and I'll fart." He thought this was so hilarious that he had to repeat it to everyone he met. Including my doctor, my grandma, and my boss at "bring your kid to work day." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21003) - you deserved it (2693)
On 05/23/2013 at 6:48pm - kids - by Mary (woman) - United States
Today, for the fourth time this week, I witnessed my mother dancing around the house naked. Apparently, she is loosening up her "inner nudist" and isn't planning on stopping any time soon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31989) - you deserved it (2528)
On 05/22/2013 at 6:56am - misc - by stillhave2years - United States
Today, while grieving over the loss of my Grandpa, I called my girlfriend for comfort. After I had cheered up, she said, "Don't worry, he went to Hell anyway." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33441) - you deserved it (2448)
On 05/22/2013 at 3:14am - misc - by SadPuppy - United States
Today, I thought the public restroom I was in was empty, so I started rapping. I realized the room was not empty when, recognizing the song, the person one stall over joined in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22080) - you deserved it (32202)
On 05/21/2013 at 11:01am - misc - by crappingrapping - United States
Today, my house was damaged by a tornado. I called my mother to see if I could stay with her for a few days. Her response? "I warned you not to move in with a man. This is God's way of punishing you." I've been married to said man for almost a year now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33893) - you deserved it (2073)
On 05/20/2013 at 8:37pm - misc - by hotelbound - United States (Missouri)
Today, I got a new cat. It was fine for a couple of hours until it gave birth in my kitchen. The seller claims to have no idea that it was pregnant. Now I have to take care of 7 cats instead of 2. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29832) - you deserved it (4929)
On 05/20/2013 at 7:23pm - animals - by catcraze - United States (Colorado)
Today, I listened to my elderly bachelor neighbor moan, "Oh, kitty, kitty, kitty! Oh kitty!" for over half-an-hour before he wandered out on his balcony in wet, tight white underwear to water his plant. This is the fifth time this week, and I still don't know what on earth he's doing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33347) - you deserved it (2446)
On 05/20/2013 at 11:56am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I'm planning my big sister's wedding. My long-term, live-in boyfriend walked by and saw me looking at the wedding tab on Pinterest, smirked, and said, "Don't get your hopes up." I had. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40229) - you deserved it (6245)
On 05/20/2013 at 12:47am - love - by ForeverAlone (woman) - United States
Today, my parents posted on Facebook that they were excited that my sister was pregnant and couldn't wait to be grandparents. Last week I told them that I, a 33-year-old happily married woman, was pregnant and they told me I was ruining my life and encouraged me to have an abortion. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47607) - you deserved it (2421)
On 05/20/2013 at 12:31am - misc - by pregnant loser apparently (woman) - United States (West Virginia)
Today, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect in every way, except for her birth mark. It's under the corner of her left eye and looks almost exactly like a prison teardrop tattoo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41284) - you deserved it (5734)
On 05/19/2013 at 2:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my little brother gave me a candy bar for my birthday. After I ate the entire thing, he told me it was Ex-Lax and that I needed it because I'm "so full of shit". FML
I agree, your life sucks (40491) - you deserved it (6848)
On 05/17/2013 at 8:04am - misc - by Unlucky Individual - United States (California)
Today, I tried on a new perfume. When my boyfriend hugged me, he commented that I smelled like his mom. I don't know who was more surprised by the simultaneous bulge in his pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41734) - you deserved it (3313)
On 05/17/2013 at 3:21am - intimacy - by Uncomfortable (woman) -
Today, while sitting at a red light with my window down, the asshat next to me flicked his still-lit cigarette away. It landed in my car and wedged between me and my seat. It burned a hole in my shirt and my seat, and burned my back and hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39318) - you deserved it (2546)
On 05/15/2013 at 5:47pm - work - by Seriously? (woman) - United States (California)
Friday 24 May 2013
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