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OMGITSAKITTY's favorite FMLs
by disgusting / 05/31/2015 at 5:13am / United Kingdom (Norfolk) / Miscellaneous
Today, I checked my son's browser history, as he's been acting strangely around his computer recently. I found several bizarre Google searches, including but not limited to: "unicorn dick-farts", "sharting kittens", and "can you get AIDS from Asians?" What the fuck is wrong with him? FML
by Anonymous / 05/22/2015 at 2:17pm / United Kingdom (Havering) / Kids
Today, we were discussing evolution at the super-religious school I'm forced to attend. I mentioned homo sapiens, and my teacher mockingly replied, "You actually believe in homo sapiens? Hahahah!" The whole class started laughing. No, not at the teacher; at me. FML
by homo fuckofftus / 05/22/2015 at 1:10pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/21/2015 at 4:41pm / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 05/15/2015 at 8:50pm / United States / Kids
by NoCnNoJustice / 04/17/2015 at 9:49am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my roommate wants to kick me out because I can't afford to pay my share of the rent this month. I couldn't afford to, because I had to pay for repairs to my car after my roommate got drunk, stole my keys, and crashed it into a street light. FML
by Anonymous / 04/15/2015 at 10:32am / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Miscellaneous
by blemarooney / 04/14/2015 at 11:49am / Ireland (Dublin) / Health
Today, I caught my teenage daughter doing her laundry for the first time ever. She had piles of black and white, but then she threw them together in the washing machine. I told her blacks and whites were supposed to be separate, but she just said, "End the segregation, mom." FML
by Anonymous / 04/12/2015 at 4:57pm / United States (Washington) / Kids
by PrettySureItsReal / 04/09/2015 at 3:38pm / United States (Missouri) / Work
Today, at a mind-numbingly boring support session, everyone was talking about their hardships. One guy was talking about losing his leg in a car accident. I was half-asleep and asked without thinking, "Did you ever find it?" I almost shat my pants at the roomful of death glares that followed. FML
by S to the HIT / 04/08/2015 at 12:08pm / United States (California) / Work
by burnswhenipee / 04/07/2015 at 8:47pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, the last thing I remember before getting the shit beaten out of me at the bar, was my dipshit brother saying to me, "Dude, I'm not a racist, but" and then ranting about how non-whites should get out of America. FML
by Anonymous / 04/03/2015 at 11:29pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, I thought I had gotten away with throwing a party while my folks were gone the night before. They came home and I was as sweet as possible. I could tell they were not buying it, but I thought I was in the clear. Later, they told me I had drunk-dialled them and spilled the beans. FML
by banana12321 / 04/02/2015 at 12:40am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/30/2015 at 6:30am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
- Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, straight after we had sex, my boyfriend went to the bathroom. He stayed in there for a long… Today, I’m a French teacher abroad, and as my beard has a huge hole near my chin, my students call…