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Nymphetamatrix

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Nymphetamatrix
  • Town/Country : Funkytown, NARNIA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 731
  • Number of comments : 17
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Nymphetamatrix : Party time seal for your party time needs.
Messages are welcome and so are party invites

p.s. I'm not sure if I should be proud of the badges I've recieved.

Nymphetamatrix's last visitors

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Nymphetamatrix's favorite FMLs

Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML

#21108570
334 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58554) - you deserved it (28136)

On 04/09/2014 at 2:40pm - animals - by Brody89 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I told my husband to give our dog a bath while I was at work. When I returned home, I found my dog, along with my husband, in the bath together. FML

#21074688
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38325) - you deserved it (8502)

On 03/01/2014 at 3:23am - animals - by lacy - United States (Kentucky)

Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML

Today, I came home from a night out with the lads. My girlfriend refused to make love to me, saying my sperm were drunk and would raise hell in her uterus. FML

#21055858
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38555) - you deserved it (11756) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/09/2014 at 10:39pm - intimacy - by vegas-81 - France

Today, was my first day as a male cheerleader in an attempt to flirt. The girls were stronger than me and it's now my job to be thrown in the air by girls. FML

#21017728
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39077) - you deserved it (31456)

On 01/05/2014 at 11:16am - love - by give me an F - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, my dog has found a new game he likes. It involves him rolling around on my new bed sheets to build up static electricity and run and poke me with his nose so I get shocked. FML

#21008001
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41447) - you deserved it (4618)

On 12/28/2013 at 3:23am - animals - by honeybunny90 - United States (Texas)

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my husband. He responded with, "Well shit, when do these faucets turn on?" and started honking my boobs. FML

#21006112
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35391) - you deserved it (4671)

On 12/26/2013 at 12:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I took an exam in order to apply for a graduate program I want to get into. Last night, my boyfriend decided it was a good time to break up with me out of the blue. I broke down three times in the middle of the test, and I just barely failed it. FML

#20980454
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38640) - you deserved it (4614)

On 12/04/2013 at 1:39pm - love - by heartbroken - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML

#20972428
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37414) - you deserved it (3402)

On 11/27/2013 at 12:51pm - misc - by paranoid neighborhood - United States (Florida)

Today, I was playing monopoly with my boyfriend and a few friends. After I bankrupted my boyfriend, he turned to me and said, "I fucked your best friend last night, so who really won?" I turned to the best friend in question, she looked at the board and said, "I'd like to buy a house please." FML

#20967834
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57938) - you deserved it (4168)

On 11/23/2013 at 11:11am - misc - by I hate that game - United Kingdom (Wigan)

Today, at the gym, I realized the guy who has been staring at me for the past 3 days is the same guy I promised to text back 5 months ago. FML

#20954898
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19394) - you deserved it (41487)

On 11/12/2013 at 6:18am - love - by awkwardencounters - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML

#20946225
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41538) - you deserved it (5049)

On 11/05/2013 at 8:22am - work - by regretsteachinghighschool - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML

#20935582
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42376) - you deserved it (4744)

On 10/27/2013 at 12:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I got my two-year-old's Halloween costume in the mail. I tried it on him to make sure it fit. He loves it so much that he is now having a complete meltdown because he wants to go trick-or-treating. He doesn't understand we only go trick-or-treating on Halloween. 23 more days to go. FML

Today, my girlfriend walked in on me taking a dump, and started plucking her eyebrows. When I told her I was uncomfortable, she said, "Aww, is my baby's poo shy? Is it, is it?" and pinched my cheek. FML

#20900665
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39964) - you deserved it (6697)

On 09/29/2013 at 3:21pm - misc - by noweddingforyou (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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