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Nutcup's FML badges
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Nutcup's favorite FMLs
by chanclepants / 01/27/2010 at 8:35am / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend kept trying to convince me to do anal with him. After denying him several times he told me "Why it feels good, trust me." I asked him how would he know. There was a long awkward silence when he then replied with "I'm not gay I swear." FML
by Anonymous / 01/25/2010 at 3:47am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
Today, I came home to find my little sister had decided to play hopscotch under our carport. Feeling a small childish urge, I decided to hop on one leg to the front door. I tripped and fell, slicing my knee open. FML
by Anonymous / 01/23/2010 at 6:18pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, I was riding my dorm elevator from the 5th floor to the 1st by myself. Since the elevator is really slow, I pulled my pants and underwear down just for kicks. Just then, the door opened to let a girl on at the 4th floor. FML
by embareassed / 01/20/2010 at 12:27am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Radioo / 01/18/2010 at 4:00am / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
by wowhoopla / 01/10/2010 at 8:10pm / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out I've recently developed a bladder control issue. Every time I lift anything more than about fifteen pounds, I pee myself a little. I work in a warehouse. Heavy lifting is my job. FML
by mcpeepants / 01/08/2010 at 12:56pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was down the pub with a mate and we got onto the subject of bar fights. I said I thought being glassed wouldn't actually hurt that much. My friend looks at me, calmly finishes his pint and then swiftly smashes his glass over my head. Turns out I was wrong. And we got kicked out. FML
by itstillhurts / 12/20/2009 at 11:23pm / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Miscellaneous
Today, while taking a shower, I saw shadows moving across the curtains. The shadow turned out to be a cricket that then fell into the tub. I ran out of the bathroom screaming and naked. My little sister came to my door and said, "If I hadn't just seen your balls, I would swear mom had TWO daughters." FML
by Anonymous / 12/11/2009 at 8:03pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by chacha / 11/28/2009 at 1:11pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML
by Arachnaphobic / 11/22/2009 at 3:35am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML
by AussieGirl / 11/21/2009 at 6:40am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals
by Anonymous / 11/15/2009 at 6:26pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I noticed that in my cover letter I wrote "I also have an eye.", instead of "I also have an eye for details.", and I have been sending it out for the past few weeks. No wonder I haven't gotten any replies. FML
by crazylobster / 11/14/2009 at 11:52am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
by Anonymous / 10/31/2009 at 4:18pm / United States (Texas) / Love