Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Nuahavizu

Search for a member

Nuahavizu

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 21 March 1989 (25 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 6583
  • Number of comments : 156
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Nuahavizu : I'm sarcastic, and my vices are that I am mildly self loathing and I dont take people who are optimistic seriously easily.

Beyond that, I'm a pretty nice guy. Send me a message and help prove to me that humanity isn't full of jerks and egocentric horn dogs. So far, nobody has even tried. (what does that say about people eh?)

I love music, and read every Pratchett book I can find.

'If you light a man on fire, he is warm for a day. If you set that man ON fire, he is warm the rest of his life.'

Nuahavizu's page activity

Visits<b>BekiJ1</b> - the 09/23/2014 at 12:26am<b>ILoveHashtags</b> - the 01/22/2014 at 10:03pm<b>jkrist</b> - the 10/04/2013 at 11:22am<b>Patronize</b> - the 08/03/2013 at 11:15pm<b>Marjis</b> - the 11/21/2011 at 5:20pm<b>MissDarkness</b> - the 11/02/2011 at 4:40pm<b>raphanne</b> - the 10/31/2011 at 10:53am<b>babelini</b> - the 10/31/2011 at 9:19am<b>erpaderp</b> - the 10/28/2011 at 4:22pm<b>Kiirst_mt1994</b> - the 10/27/2011 at 5:29pm<b>lmc94</b> - the 10/13/2011 at 5:16pm<b>Epikouros</b> - the 09/21/2011 at 1:06pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:12pm<b>IndiRae</b> - the 08/24/2011 at 12:45am<b>missalice0306</b> - the 08/17/2011 at 11:51pm<b>JERZBornNRaised</b> - the 08/14/2011 at 6:22pm<b>Neut</b> - the 08/14/2011 at 3:50pm<b>TheWicked</b> - the 08/11/2011 at 12:10pm

Nuahavizu's FML badges

A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of Nuahavizu's badges

Nuahavizu's favorite FMLs

Today, I got pulled over for a traffic violation. Thinking I could get away with it, I spoke with a French accent. The officer then asked me a question in perfect French. I got a ticket. FML

#14705471
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6924) - you deserved it (49828)

On 01/25/2011 at 1:13am - misc - by nmaidkieavg -

Today, while at school, I slipped on a wet patch in the hall and fell over, smacking my head against the floor. I laid there for a good five minutes in agonizing pain while people literally walked over me. Not a single person bothered to help me up or ask if I was okay. FML

#14698877
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31028) - you deserved it (3761)

On 01/24/2011 at 3:38pm - misc - by damnbananas (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I dozed off during a lecture. When I woke up, I didn't recognize any of the people surrounding me, and I saw one guy pointing and laughing at me. It turns out, my professor instructed everyone to let me sleep because he wanted to see how long it would be before I woke up. I was asleep three hours. FML

#14650881
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9659) - you deserved it (29416)

On 01/20/2011 at 3:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I was chosen by my coworkers to explain to my elderly boss that ''tossing the salad'' isn't another expression for saying ''brainstorming''. She didn't believe me. Guess we will all keep ''tossing the salad'' for new ideas each afternoon. FML

#14646268
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21721) - you deserved it (2820)

On 01/20/2011 at 1:01am - intimacy - by welly223 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I called my boss and said "I have been awake since 3am throwing up." He replied with "Great, see you at 9" and hung up. FML

#14638505
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29546) - you deserved it (2938)

On 01/19/2011 at 12:31pm - work - by gb739 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I worked out that if I paid the minimum monthly amount on my student loans, I'd be paying them until I'm 65. FML

#14636312
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24118) - you deserved it (5192)

On 01/19/2011 at 6:05am - money - by fuckall (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, the girl I really liked started talking to me, so I asked her out on a date. After waiting an hour at the theatre, I texted her asking where she was. She replied with, "Oh! You were serious about the date?!" FML

#14621087
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33885) - you deserved it (3069)

On 01/18/2011 at 12:05am - love - by MCKilllerrr - United States (Texas)

Today, someone posted online a listing for a bicycle for sale, and accidentally put my phone number instead of their own. I have received more calls in one day than I have from friends and family in a week. FML

#14574802
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20115) - you deserved it (2821)

On 01/14/2011 at 3:37am - misc - by wrongnumber (woman) - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom and my pee split into 4 different streams, none of which actually hit the toilet. FML

#14540407
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25444) - you deserved it (6326)

On 01/11/2011 at 12:32am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had a show with my drama group. My mom isn't a good drunk, she decided to scream along to every song and pass out halfway through. She was in the front row. FML

#14484752
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25025) - you deserved it (2278)

On 01/06/2011 at 11:46am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Aberdeen City)

Today, it was opening night for the play where I was, for the first time ever, one of the leads. I went on stage with a loud and energetic entrance. I came in two scenes early. FML

#14468099
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10994) - you deserved it (28994)

On 01/04/2011 at 10:15pm - misc - by theatreluver (woman) - United States

Today, while socializing after a church service, I discovered I'm still referred to as "Fireshit's brother", after an incident a year ago which involved my sister screaming "the devil is coming out of my anus!" from the lavatory. FML

#14330238
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28902) - you deserved it (3128)

On 12/25/2010 at 1:20am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, an attractive guy told me he wanted to get to know me and see me again. When I told my boyfriend, in hopes of stirring up some jealousy, he said "he'll regret it when he finds out what you're like in bed, trust me." FML

#14282148
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20251) - you deserved it (37854)

On 12/21/2010 at 4:38am - intimacy - by fail (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my car heater finally died. I deliver pizzas. In Alaska. FML

#14235030
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40887) - you deserved it (3768)

On 12/17/2010 at 12:30pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, while browsing YouTube, I looked at the section "Recommended for You." I saw a video titled "How to get a girlfriend." Even YouTube thinks I can't get one. FML

#14156953
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26860) - you deserved it (4861)

On 12/10/2010 at 6:59pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Krumla's Illustrated FML
  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: