Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

NotAUser

Offline (the 10/19/2014 at 4:47am) | Search for a member

NotAUser

10Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 19 September 1999 (15 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 617
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 30 posted

About NotAUser : I'm from Georgia. Born and raised on a farm. Listening to music is my favorite pastime second only to showing livestock. Favorite bands/singers: George Strait, Brantley Gilbert, Johnny Cash, Bruce Springsteen, Hank Williams Jr., Eric Church.... most country but I'm slowly being introduced to new music that I enjoy. If you want to know anything else about me or if you just want to talk feel free to message me. I love meeting new people

NotAUser's page activity

Visits<b>Ashd09</b> - yesterday at 1:46pm<b>Toughsky</b> - the 11/23/2014 at 9:06pm<b>ZY1431</b> - the 11/21/2014 at 7:55am<b>Guardrecruiter</b> - the 11/09/2014 at 10:40pm<b>wilburhp</b> - the 11/05/2014 at 11:32pm<b>AssassinD3</b> - the 11/03/2014 at 10:48pm<b>ltaper11</b> - the 11/02/2014 at 9:38pm<b>teevthoj</b> - the 10/30/2014 at 4:56pm<b>Triceratops4Lif</b> - the 10/30/2014 at 11:38am<b>diving</b> - the 10/29/2014 at 11:09pm<b>KRAZYKILLAKLOWN</b> - the 10/29/2014 at 4:47pm<b>Uglyfeet</b> - the 10/28/2014 at 6:30am<b>konstantinos616</b> - the 10/27/2014 at 10:36pm<b>RudderV</b> - the 10/27/2014 at 10:41am<b>Raleaf</b> - the 10/25/2014 at 6:27am<b>Sophia813</b> - the 10/24/2014 at 4:37pm<b>HowieDoIt</b> - the 10/20/2014 at 8:16am<b>soccerforlife_27</b> - the 10/19/2014 at 5:45pm

Liked!<b>RocketmanWelbz</b> - the 10/18/2014 at 12:44am<b>Stoppy23</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 11:15pm<b>hetalia_thailand</b> - the 10/01/2014 at 11:13pm<b>robertd73</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 6:09am<b>morondon000</b> - the 09/10/2014 at 5:03am<b>Landesanity</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 12:29am<b>CambodianPenguin</b> - the 09/04/2014 at 7:45am<b>urdirtyolduncle</b> - the 09/04/2014 at 5:54am<b>kee_breezy32</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 4:15am<b>cassiecassie559</b> - the 08/30/2014 at 4:48pm

NotAUser's FML badges

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of NotAUser's badges

NotAUser's favorite FMLs

Today, I learned that if you give a squirrel a cookie, he'll climb up your pants in search of more cookies. FML

Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML

#21279390
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37734) - you deserved it (5908)

On 10/16/2014 at 9:27pm - love - by highfive - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I stood up too quickly and got dizzy, so I sat on the edge of the bed to regain my balance. I started dozing off to sleep again, got confused, and peed down the side of my bed thinking I was on the toilet. FML

#21272641
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34786) - you deserved it (9176)

On 10/07/2014 at 7:33am - misc - by Waterfalls (woman) - United States (California)

Today, as a limo driver, I had to drive 8 guys for a night-out from their wives. I put the Michigan/Rutgers game on the radio, thinking they would appreciate that. Apparently, they wanted to listen to their "pump-up" songs instead, which were mostly Katy Perry songs. FML

#21271972
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36719) - you deserved it (4692)

On 10/06/2014 at 11:05am - work - by theseguysarewhipped... - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up to find a huge zit directly between my two eyebrows. My friends have started calling me "The North Star." FML

#21253662
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34912) - you deserved it (3235)

On 09/07/2014 at 11:55am - health - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while on a tour bus, our guide told us that "Jimi Hendrix was like, uh, the Miley Cyrus of the '60s." I'm actually a committed pacifist, but I was already halfway out of my seat to choke the pimply-faced twat out before I managed to restrain myself. Now I'm scared of myself. FML

#21237562
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35388) - you deserved it (5014)

On 08/14/2014 at 5:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like you wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up and saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML

#21234106
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48266) - you deserved it (5578)

On 08/10/2014 at 3:26pm - intimacy - by jackie89 (woman) - United Kingdom (Cornwall)

Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like you wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up and saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML

#21234106
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48266) - you deserved it (5578)

On 08/10/2014 at 3:26pm - intimacy - by jackie89 (woman) - United Kingdom (Cornwall)

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

#21228111
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49168) - you deserved it (21252)

On 08/03/2014 at 1:16am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I got suspended from work after getting caught reading a work-related FML. Irony is funny, but it doesn't pay the bills. FML

#21226986
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32278) - you deserved it (15570)

On 08/01/2014 at 6:38pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain to my father why it isn't a good idea to shove a metal knife into the toaster when trying to get at a small piece of toast. This man is 45-years-old and has a PhD. FML

Today, my fiancé said "Rachel" instead of my name when asked to repeat, "I take thee, Emily, to be my lawfully wedded wife." I was shocked, so he explained while laughing that he doesn't even know a Rachel. He ruined our wedding for a Friends quote. FML

Today, I was stuck on a campus tour with my subtly racist mother who, in an attempt to seem open-minded, deemed it appropriate to refer to our black tour guide as "Sistah". FML

#21205559
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41526) - you deserved it (3614)

On 07/10/2014 at 11:32pm - misc - by look how totally not racist I am! - United States (California)

Today, I was interviewing a woman for a job. She told me that she may need days off because of her artistic son. I jokingly replied, "Does he color on the walls or something?" She then stared at me with a weird look on her face. Autistic, her son is autistic. FML

#21205262
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37980) - you deserved it (19660)

On 07/10/2014 at 6:17pm - work - by dammit hearing aid - United States (Iowa)

Today, I hugged my dad. Since I don't hug him very much, he was confused. When I pulled away from him, smiling, he slapped me, saying the smiling and the hug made it look like I was "up to something." FML



FML's blog

  • FML's Thanksgiving Special: TGS
  • As many of us know through popular culture, today is Thanksgiving in the US. Come on, we’ve all seen a TV show involving a Thanksgiving dinner or plans to do so that have gone awry due to one of the main…

Wednesday 26 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: