[fr]
[it]
[es2]
[tr]
[de]
[ru]
[se]

Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick :
Categories :
Man or woman?

NomnomRaptor

Search for a member

NomnomRaptor
  • Town/Country : United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 5 June 1994 (17 years)
  • Number of visits : 370
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About NomnomRaptor : Hi, I'm Destini :)
~I like bands like The Beatles, All Time Low, 30 Seconds to Mars, Breaking Benjamin, Metallica, Nirvana, Slipknot, Three Days Grace, and a lot more.
~I play video games like Pokemon, Resident Evil, Final Fantasy, Rock Band, and Little Big Planet, among others.
~I like cartoons and enjoy reading.
~I play the drums...on Rock Band, either hard or expert, but I'd like to play real drums :D

NomnomRaptor's last visitors

281golxclarkJessi_Rose96smileysquidTamara2011riseagainst1616drainyou123Freeze

NomnomRaptor's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

NomnomRaptor's favorite FMLs

Today, I saw my boyfriend of two years had joined a group on facebook called 'Guys who are proud of their girlfriends'. I smiled and was about to like it when I noticed a comment below from a girl saying "Awww thanks babe :) xxxx". FML

#8713394 (171)

I agree, your life sucks (28030) - you deserved it (1785)

On 02/28/2010 at 8:10am - love - by FBfail (woman) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)

Today, I was with my friend and her entire family at a restaurant. While we were eating, her brother who is really cute asked what "brown sauce" is. I said thats probably 'penis' sauce. I'd meant to say 'peanut sauce' but the damage was done. The entire family just stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks (7926) - you deserved it (12755)

On 02/26/2010 at 4:10am - misc - by princess4242 (woman) - India (Delhi)

Today, I was checking out a gorgeous woman in spandex with beautiful flowing long black hair on the treadmill at the gym. I spent a few minutes just watching her body move and ripple under the material. She turned off the treadmill and got off, only for me to find out that it was a guy. FML

#8512491 (227)

I agree, your life sucks (7781) - you deserved it (27798)

On 02/21/2010 at 10:16am - love - by anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting down in a store when a stroller stopped by me. While the parents were fixing the strap, the baby looked at me, gasped, looked at me again, gasped, and then screamed. Ten minutes later, another baby looked at me and screamed. My face scares babies. FML

#8488357 (141)

I agree, your life sucks (21983) - you deserved it (2569)

On 02/20/2010 at 7:03pm - kids - by Scaryman (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was in the bathroom getting ready to take a shower. I took all of my clothes off, and stepped into the shower facing the knobs. When I turned around, I saw somebody standing in there with me. Apparently, my little brother and his friend were playing hide and seek, and I found his friend. FML

#7682210 (177)

I agree, your life sucks (28753) - you deserved it (3719)

On 01/29/2010 at 7:02pm - misc - by soonaked (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, a doctor examined my wrist, which is completely swollen and painful. He diagnosed a case of tendonitis and asked me, "Do you use this hand for a particular sort of sport?" I just smiled like a twit. FML

#6480683 (160)

I agree, your life sucks (6125) - you deserved it (31416)

On 11/27/2009 at 4:24pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I found out that my dad hides his Viagra from my mom by keeping it in an Aspirin container. Now I have a terrible headache and a boner. FML

#6421239 (139)

I agree, your life sucks (23957) - you deserved it (2845)

On 11/23/2009 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by sickkid (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

#5828114 (227)

I agree, your life sucks (67410) - you deserved it (9582)

On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I saw a video of me last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" naked. FML

#4679110 (350)

I agree, your life sucks (35427) - you deserved it (99705)

On 08/20/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by ShiriSarah (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML

#4630669 (225)

I agree, your life sucks (84305) - you deserved it (5476)

On 08/18/2009 at 3:20pm - misc - by gbhlaughingstock (man) - United States

Today, I found out my husband had bought my 1-year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML

#4525246 (217)

I agree, your life sucks (48205) - you deserved it (5286)

On 08/14/2009 at 12:57pm - kids - by ohgod (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was on the phone bragging to a friend about losing my virginity last night. When I went downstairs, my 6 year old sister was digging through my purse. She explained that she had overheard my conversation and wanted to help me find my virginity. My mom was in the kitchen with us. FML

#4505034 (263)

I agree, your life sucks (27690) - you deserved it (57728)

On 08/13/2009 at 4:57pm - kids - by bubbalicious (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of random names she thought of, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML

#4201087 (417)

I agree, your life sucks (56820) - you deserved it (11485)

On 08/01/2009 at 3:44am - love - by NinjaPanda88 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my friends had ditched me for a party I hadn't been invited to so I was sitting home alone. The only other thing in my house was the mosquito I nicknamed Fred. I liked to watch Fred fly around and try to suck my blood. 20 minutes later, I found Fred's dead body. I was actually sad. FML

#4158002 (205)

I agree, your life sucks (46857) - you deserved it (12769)

On 07/30/2009 at 10:43am - animals - by dumbo (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I was in my new boyfriend's apartment for the first time. As I was flipping through his photo albums, I came across one full of disturbingly candid pictures of me. I found some as early as my trip to the state fair, three years ago. I met my boyfriend two months ago. FML

#3398201 (406)

I agree, your life sucks (95178) - you deserved it (4492)

On 07/01/2009 at 3:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)



Your account

↓ Categories

FML's blog

05/15/2012

The whole blog

Switch to FML for visually impaired

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: