Nomenth

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Offline (the 10/15/2014 at 12:55am)

Nomenth

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Saturday 29 April 1995 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1125
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Nomenth's favorite FMLs

Today, my son told me he was afraid of monsters under his bed. When I poked my head under to show him nothing was there, the family cat sprang out and clawed me in the face. Now I have a gash on my chin, and my son refuses to go anywhere near his bed. FML

by Anonymous / 11/24/2011 at 12:07pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, my old neighbor pelted me with apples when I walked out the door. I ducked for cover and asked what her problem was. She yelled, "You took fresh peas from my garden!" I looked at her garden, only to see my dad tiptoeing back to our lawn, laughing and holding a bag full of peas. FML

by scully11 / 08/02/2011 at 2:36pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that my daughter's gerbils are not afraid of the vacuum cleaner. FML

by corasmom / 07/27/2011 at 2:09pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, after teaching my 4 year old son about the concept of "Stranger Danger," we had gone to a park full of people. When I walked up to him to tell him we had to leave, he ran, screaming "Stranger! Don't touch me!" FML

by armywife980 / 05/03/2011 at 1:01am / Kids

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML

by Anon. / 03/01/2011 at 6:51pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, my cat died while walking around the kitchen. He had a heart attack when the toaster popped out two slices of bread. FML

by Anonymous / 01/29/2011 at 3:09am / France / Animals

Today, I put on a lacy dress with nothing underneath and walked nonchalantly into the living room. My husband took one look at me, let out a heavy sigh and said "right now?" FML

by Anonymous / 01/03/2011 at 3:42am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I walked to school in -5 degree weather, snow up to ankles, for an exam. The school had closed and warned all the parents, but mine didn't tell me, because it was "funnier". FML

by stupid / 12/21/2010 at 10:21am / Ireland (Meath) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a homeless man on the corner, I thought I would be generous and give him some cash. I rolled down my window and waved my hand for him to come over. As he was walking over, he was struck by another car. FML

by carson28 / 12/16/2010 at 9:23pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I'm training to be a nurse in a hospital. Our teacher asked for a volunteer to demonstrate how bed restraints work. After I was shackled to the bed she said, "Now let's make sure they work. Are you ticklish?" My entire class tickled me until I screamed, cried and nearly wet my pants. FML

by nurse / 11/03/2010 at 8:08am / Reserved / Work

Today, I was on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy comes and sits next to me. Next thing I know, he lets out a loud fart, then looks my way with pride. I stare back in shock. He then says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML

by flying13 / 11/03/2010 at 3:27am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on Skype with a guy I really like, in the living room. My dad saw that I was on video chat, got undressed, right down to his bright green y-fronts, and then started dancing behind me. My crush saw it all. FML

by maddiee. / 10/21/2010 at 11:20am / Indonesia (Jakarta Raya) / Miscellaneous

Today, I lost the remote control to my TV. I can't change the channel manually on it, and the channel it's stuck on is currently playing an infomercial for the Pos-T-Vac penis pump. I've been watching this for an hour now. I'm a female, and I'm beginning to feel like I need this product. FML

by Anonymous / 10/11/2010 at 6:50am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. My phone started ringing and it was my Mom, she said I could answer it. As I answered the phone my girlfriend started playing with my dick. I moaned. Loud. FML

by BlackPolarbear / 01/23/2010 at 3:05am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

 Today, while I was trying to get to sleep, I heard a strange noise coming from the bunk bed above mine. I looked up to see what it was and my cat vomited over the edge, onto my face. FML

by grosssss / 01/01/2010 at 8:03am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals