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NoahStaz's favorite FMLs
Today, I was bagging my groceries when I accidentally smacked myself in the face with a box of popsicles, giving myself a nose bleed. I found out that the cashier hates the sight of blood when she passed out behind the register. They called security on me. FML
by MellyBee / 08/07/2012 at 11:15pm / Canada (Quebec) / Health
by HazzaBoo / 08/07/2012 at 7:45pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by kklaucen14 / 08/05/2012 at 9:15pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
Today, my son surprised me on my birthday with tickets to a concert I really wanted to see. I was excited, especially since I planned to buy them but couldn't due to the fact it was too expensive. I was ecstatic, until I found out he'd stolen my credit card to buy them. FML
by pops up / 12/01/2011 at 5:25pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
by nyaahaha / 09/01/2011 at 11:44pm / United States / Kids
Today, I was in my car with my window down at a red light. Outside, a sweet old lady was sitting on a bench with her dog sleeping next to her. I yelled out the window to tell her how cute her dog was. She replied, "He's dead" and cried. FML
by macattack / 09/01/2011 at 10:29pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation
Today, at work, I heard a weird sound coming from the ceiling. As I looked up to see what it was, a huge splash of water hit me in the face. I called mall maintenance to let them know. They told me they already knew about the leak... from the sewage line. FML
by honeybee2487 / 08/30/2011 at 1:35pm / United States / Work
Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML
by Anonymous / 08/30/2011 at 1:35pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
by bunkbed / 08/30/2011 at 12:45pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
Today, in the flat I share with four students, I broke our toaster. The night before, they'd successfully managed to toast chicken soup-covered crumpets in it whilst drunk. I tried to toast a teacake, and the whole thing exploded in flames and smoke. Our toaster got taken out by a raisin. FML
by gofixmyhead / 08/30/2011 at 10:53am / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/30/2011 at 7:24am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/25/2011 at 12:24am / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 08/24/2011 at 4:03am / United States / Money
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
by EmbarrassedGirlfriend101 / 08/17/2011 at 12:40pm / United States / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…