Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Noah197099

Offline (6 hours ago) | Search for a member

Noah197099

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 5 May 1999 (15 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 236
  • Number of comments : 7
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Noah197099 : I hang out with a group of some of the funniest kids in school, so some of my comments might be funnier than the actual FML. ;) Feel free to message me, I love to meet new people (I'm desperate!). My profile pic is a fascinating picture that I took of my little cousins. Anyways, peace!

Noah197099's page activity

Visits<b>CMKZ</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 12:37am<b>pikawarriors</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 10:15pm<b>OozmaKappa</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 10:42am<b>Bluez69</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 7:18am<b>Rozza17</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 6:34pm<b>poppunkette</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 5:56pm<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 8:00am<b>man_eating_bunny</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 2:10pm<b>feven</b> - the 09/19/2014 at 7:53am<b>SandyBella</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 11:39pm<b>dzhonatan</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 10:09pm<b>KMoBear</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 7:05pm<b>Amber_Naomy</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 6:27pm<b>samv01</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 7:40am<b>testtest2</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 6:50pm<b>Cherryta</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 8:06am<b>Infamous278</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 12:01am<b>BBlah</b> - the 08/09/2014 at 11:34am

Noah197099's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of Noah197099's badges

Noah197099's favorite FMLs

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I discovered that I climax sooner if I think about pretzels. Yes, pretzels. The food product. I'll never be able to eat them again. FML

#21278160
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31953) - you deserved it (4421)

On 10/15/2014 at 2:26am - intimacy - by datgurllllukno (woman) - United States

Today, I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML

#21218609
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40064) - you deserved it (4515)

On 07/23/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I walked in on my mom showing her friends that she can deepthroat a banana. That's something I could've lived a long and happy life without seeing. FML

#21141912
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52024) - you deserved it (5033)

On 05/16/2014 at 3:26pm - intimacy - by fuck florida (man) - United States (California)

Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML

#21131182
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (366) - you deserved it (18800)

On 05/05/2014 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Zekrome - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I let my sister use my phone to play music in the shower, expecting her to use the speakers I have. She used a ziplock bag with a hole in it to connect her headphones. Now I have a waterlogged phone and my sister still doesn't understand why it didn't work. FML

#21130991
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42619) - you deserved it (7486)

On 05/04/2014 at 11:18pm - misc - by wow. - United States (Illinois)

Today, while I was making dinner, my husband argued that our new dog has intelligence issues, and we should give him away. I angrily defended the poor thing, and had almost won, until the dog walked over and licked the inside of the hot oven door. FML

#21126864
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42414) - you deserved it (5548)

On 04/30/2014 at 1:17am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I accidentally let a huge one rip while tending to an older patient at the nursing home where I work. The patient passed away shortly thereafter. Coincidence? FML

#21116703
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41566) - you deserved it (6655)

On 04/18/2014 at 9:19pm - work - by Anonymous - Norway (Nordland)

Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML

#21108570
356 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65177) - you deserved it (32616)

On 04/09/2014 at 2:40pm - animals - by Brody89 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, after my grandma did some early Halloween costume shopping, I witnessed her modeling a "sexy nurse" outfit. After seeing her bare thighs and most of her ass, I don't think I can eat cottage cheese ever again. FML

#20868804
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45971) - you deserved it (4393)

On 09/05/2013 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by fuck my liBLARGHSLJNAdlajdSzxz (man) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I snuck up on my girlfriend to give her a kiss. Only after I planted a big one did I realize it was not my girlfriend, or even a girl for that matter. FML

#16596385
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20772) - you deserved it (47632)

On 06/10/2011 at 3:06pm - love - by gabxoxo03 - United States (New York)

Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML

#15333405
379 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19381) - you deserved it (88687)

On 03/16/2011 at 3:31am - intimacy - by eric - United States

Today, I downloaded an application for my phone that reads whatever you type out loud. I started making it say things like "You like it when daddy spanks your tight little ass don't you?" Just as the message was playing back out loud, my mom walked up the stairs. FML

#15012156
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9411) - you deserved it (49350)

On 02/17/2011 at 2:02am - intimacy - by biglady (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, at work, I was talking to a customer. She kept shaking her head "no" at everything I said. I asked what she was disagreeing with. She told me she has Parkinson's Disease, teared up, and asked to speak to my manager. FML

#12165853
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33192) - you deserved it (6770)

On 07/28/2010 at 1:38pm - money - by RWW (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I went to the physician to check my rear because it was hurting. My usual doctor wasn't available, so he was replaced by a gorgeous woman with big cleavage. when she asked me to pull down my pants, she saw that I had a huge hard on. FML

#8726872
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13563) - you deserved it (16867)

On 02/28/2010 at 7:33pm - intimacy - by Joel_28 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was driving in my car with my daughter, who was eating a nutri-grain bar. After a while she holds out her hand saying, "It's on my finger! I don't wanna eat it!" I pick up the little piece of nutri-grain filling and put it in my mouth, only to realize it was a large booger. FML

#2211360
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40538) - you deserved it (24877)

On 05/23/2009 at 2:10pm - kids - by nutrigrain123 (man) - United States (Connecticut)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: