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NoDontKillMe

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NoDontKillMe
  • Town/Country : Here, 'Murica
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 640
  • Number of comments : 136
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About NoDontKillMe : *・゜゚・*:.。..。.:*・'(*゚▽゚*)'・*:.。. .。.:*・゜゚・*

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NoDontKillMe's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

See all of NoDontKillMe's badges

NoDontKillMe's favorite FMLs

Today, a girl came up to me on the street and said, "You have like no swag, bro." Feeling clever, I said, "At least I have a high school education." She then took out her work ID, showing me that she was a surgeon, flipped me off, then walked away saying, "This is totally going on Facebook." FML

#20502122
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27823) - you deserved it (26454)

On 02/11/2013 at 10:26am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML

#20466086
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33496) - you deserved it (3543)

On 01/18/2013 at 10:25am - misc - by Keastwood013 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML

#20460283
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18287) - you deserved it (34131)

On 01/15/2013 at 2:33am - animals - by I think its dead (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML

#20437796
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33531) - you deserved it (3609)

On 01/02/2013 at 1:07am - animals - by catdog - United States (California)

Today, I went to bed with a bra on. I woke up with no bra on. My brother had a friend sleep over last night. I wonder where my bra went. FML

#20434205
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32061) - you deserved it (3398)

On 12/31/2012 at 3:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was hit in the head by a golf ball. I wasn't near a golf course, and nobody was anywhere in sight. I'm still trying to figure out what happened. FML

#20403784
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33831) - you deserved it (3295)

On 12/17/2012 at 2:38pm - health - by wtf - United States

Today, I went to a big job interview. Everything went well at first, with the interviewer being impressed by my CV. I was then interrogated over not having a Facebook account, and practically accused of being a criminal, because people without them "always have something to hide". FML

#20165792
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19259) - you deserved it (1320)

On 11/16/2012 at 6:59pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, as an introduction to the history of China, I asked my APA World History class to write a 500 word essay on a historical Chinese person. Out of a class of 18, five of them were about Mulan. FML

#20102571
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17832) - you deserved it (3970)

On 10/05/2012 at 5:47am - work - by desperate (woman) - Malta

Today, I heard of an inevitable world-wide bacon shortage on the news. FML

#20089182
394 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26352) - you deserved it (4698)

On 09/26/2012 at 2:57am - misc - by bacon lovers worst nightmare - United States (California)

Today, my estranged mother texted me saying, "Gran died, LOL." My grandmother and I were fairly close, so I was shocked and disgusted. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and asked if she knew what "LOL" meant. She did. FML

#20088350
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24613) - you deserved it (1289)

On 09/25/2012 at 5:28pm - misc - by burn in hell (woman) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, my girlfriend told me she was over her addiction and wished to quit cold turkey. I cancelled all my plans to stay home and support her. She didn't mean her tobacco addiction, no no. Her corn chip addiction. FML

#20005444
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16824) - you deserved it (2043)

On 08/06/2012 at 7:20am - misc - by Spockx - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, I discovered that when my professor had said "For every A there will be an F," he was deadly serious. I earned a 94% mark, which in this class is known as a D. FML

#19684129
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22778) - you deserved it (1644)

On 05/26/2012 at 3:34pm - misc - by dany - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend ended our relationship. He called me from his mobile phone, claimed to be a trauma surgeon, and told me with a bad German accent that my "boyfriend" had been in a fatal car crash earlier in the day. What the hell is wrong with this idiot? FML

#19667641
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27337) - you deserved it (3614)

On 05/23/2012 at 1:20pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Switzerland (Zurich)

Today, I went to a club with some friends. I ordered two drinks from the waitress and gave her a fifty. She never returned with the change, and the rest of the staff claimed they didn't know who I was talking about. FML

#19623219
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22068) - you deserved it (5105)

On 05/14/2012 at 5:46pm - money - by Jon (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)



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