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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Njord09

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Njord09
  • Town/Country : Brazil
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 14 June 1984 (27 years)
  • Number of visits : 426
  • Number of comments : 25
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Njord09's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out all about my son's secret online double life. He's been moonlighting for two years as a male prostitute by the name of Peter Parker. FML

#16611980 (180)

I agree, your life sucks (31759) - you deserved it (3655)

On 06/11/2011 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by Mom (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML

#15627116 (352)

I agree, your life sucks (37905) - you deserved it (10098)

On 04/03/2011 at 9:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to go down on my girlfriend. In the midst of her orgasm, she grabbed my head with her legs, performing a submission most UFC fighters could be proud of, and she held on for so long that I was suffocated. FML

#15555726 (289)

I agree, your life sucks (29970) - you deserved it (7296)

On 03/30/2011 at 12:43am - intimacy - by kingpin7 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he had to go pick up his family from the airport. I assumed he meant his parents. He apologized and said he meant his wife and child. They'd got their visa sooner than he'd thought. FML

#15248792 (94)

I agree, your life sucks (30924) - you deserved it (4418)

On 03/09/2011 at 5:04am - love - by Username -

Today, I had surgery on my "girl parts" and can't have sex for six weeks. My boyfriend sees no need to spend any time with me until I heal up. FML

#15049456 (237)

I agree, your life sucks (38525) - you deserved it (5132)

On 02/20/2011 at 7:23am - intimacy - by Justme (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up next to my best friend after lots of drinking and the best sex I've ever had in my life. The only problem is we're both straight males. FML

#15042917 (211)

I agree, your life sucks (40013) - you deserved it (31197)

On 02/19/2011 at 4:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was having the best sex with my husband, and right when I reached climax, he shouted "Abracadabra!" FML

#15038049 (123)

I agree, your life sucks (26284) - you deserved it (5358)

On 02/19/2011 at 8:12am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house and sat around while he played video games. He turned to me and could see I was annoyed. Then he told his friends on XBox Live that he needed a 10 minute break to have sex with me. FML

#15034868 (258)

I agree, your life sucks (26260) - you deserved it (5248)

On 02/19/2011 at 12:22am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was asked out by a guy I've liked since the beginning of the year. All I could say was, "I have to pee", and ran into the men's bathroom. FML

#15031615 (93)

I agree, your life sucks (20037) - you deserved it (11134)

On 02/18/2011 at 8:35pm - love - by blaahh (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my friend came over with brownies as a treat before work. She works in a bakery so I thought it was lovely. After starting work, I became stoned. She thought it was a great prank. I was fired. FML

#15025975 (126)

I agree, your life sucks (28970) - you deserved it (2771)

On 02/18/2011 at 8:06am - work - by sickly -

Today, at work, my phone rang. My intern answered it and told me it was a coworker who'd just left. I picked up and said "What's up bitch? What are you going to complain about now?!" It was actually my boss. FML

#15025129 (65)

I agree, your life sucks (6519) - you deserved it (27293)

On 02/18/2011 at 4:33am - work - by Username -

Today, I got stuck in a small elevator. It started to violently judder up and down after I pressed the 'Help' buzzer. The man on the intercom wouldn't stop laughing at how my voice was jumpy from the juddering movements before he called for help. FML

#15019943 (61)

I agree, your life sucks (16993) - you deserved it (1714)

On 02/17/2011 at 8:31pm - misc - by stuckinalift (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend renamed all the contacts in my phone to see if I'd notice. Thanks to him, I've been sending dirty texts to my boss. The worst part is my boss was responding back. FML

#15016068 (106)

I agree, your life sucks (36493) - you deserved it (3948)

On 02/17/2011 at 1:37pm - intimacy - by fmylife117 - United States

Today, I downloaded an application for my phone that reads whatever you type out loud. I started making it say things like "You like it when daddy spanks your tight little ass don't you?" Just as the message was playing back out loud, my mom walked up the stairs. FML

#15012156 (117)

I agree, your life sucks (6342) - you deserved it (32578)

On 02/17/2011 at 2:02am - intimacy - by biglady (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I underwent several cardiac tests involving heart monitoring nodes placed all over my chest. The lab techs didn't pre-shave the areas and yanked out big clumps of chest hair as they removed the 10 nodes. They laughed, and said it could take up to a year for the hair to grow back. FML

#15002719 (108)

I agree, your life sucks (18721) - you deserved it (2833)

On 02/16/2011 at 1:53pm - health - by Magilla - United States (Indiana)