This member hasn't filled in the description.
Profile completed
You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Beginner
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31286) - you deserved it (2920)
On 01/02/2013 at 1:07am - animals - by catdog - United States (California)
Today, I discovered the reason my favorite stick of deodorant hasn't smelled right for the past two weeks. My dad uses it on his butt crack and balls "to clean up the stank". FML
I agree, your life sucks (44806) - you deserved it (2505)
On 08/08/2011 at 3:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I thought it would be funny to jump in the pool while holding my cat. I am currently in the hospital due to the severe cuts on my face and throat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7535) - you deserved it (75697)
On 06/18/2011 at 6:32am - health - by princev - United States
Today, I had a sore throat, and I'd read that drops of Tabasco sauce on your tongue helps. I aimed the bottle at my tongue and the whole cap came off, covering my face and filling my mouth with Tabasco sauce, causing me to blow chunks all over the kitchen floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12375) - you deserved it (24287)
On 06/15/2011 at 5:02am - health - by Alec - United States
Today, I was eating Star Wars gummy candies and I bit R2-D2 in half. My girlfriend looked at it and said "Oh look, now he's R1-D1". It was super cute, but I couldn't help thinking, "That's not how the numbering system works for droids." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10625) - you deserved it (35851)
On 06/14/2011 at 6:04am - misc - by techiefIve (man) - United States (California)
Today, I discovered a tick on my penis. After a long battle, he finally let go. Four hours later I'm in the hospital. My penis is twice the normal size. I may have won the battle but lost the war. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40855) - you deserved it (4216)
On 06/13/2011 at 2:25am - intimacy - by John jacob - United States (Georgia)
Today, my co-worker finally gave me a check for the money he owes me. In the memo line, he wrote "for swallowing". Now I have to go cash it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28252) - you deserved it (5101)
On 06/09/2011 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by Patrick R - United States (Texas)
Today, I was riding my long board. A few feet from me an attractive girl was riding one too, in the same direction. We made eye contact right as I slammed into a light pole. She then fell because she was laughing so hard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25190) - you deserved it (7000)
On 05/11/2011 at 10:01pm - love - by TheNerd (man) - United States (California)
Today, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus. More specifically, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus from being hit in the face by a pigeon that was deflected from the windscreen of a van moving at about 35mph. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23298) - you deserved it (1809)
On 05/11/2011 at 5:17pm - health - by pigeons_suck (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, my dad texted me while I was in school saying, "Your cat vomited. Covered it up with a bowl so you can clean it when you come home." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28477) - you deserved it (5513)
On 05/10/2011 at 12:37pm - animals - by coolbeans123 (woman) - Singapore
Today, I finally found where the awful lingering stench in my house was coming from. My son thought it would be funny to piss in the baby's humidifier. He's 16. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24477) - you deserved it (6282)
On 05/09/2011 at 10:34pm - kids - by richkief76 -
Today, my mother walked in on me rubbing $400 in $20 bills all over myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7557) - you deserved it (45286)
On 02/15/2011 at 1:44am - intimacy - by howler (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, my boyfriend cancelled our vacation plans because I'll be on my period, arguing that, "It wouldn't be a real holiday." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22706) - you deserved it (6020) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/17/2011 at 11:44am - intimacy - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins
Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58002) - you deserved it (2755)
On 01/08/2011 at 8:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was taking a leak in the mall bathroom. A kid no older than thirteen strolled in and paused next to me at the urinals. He took one look and laughed, "I feel sorry for your wife, man." All I could do was stand there as he casually disappeared into one of the stalls. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28870) - you deserved it (3492)
On 12/25/2010 at 2:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
