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Today, I went out with my family and boyfriend for dinner. We were all having a good time, and suddenly at the end of dinner he decides to kneel down on one knee, take out an engagement ring, and say "I choose you, Pikachu," with a straight face. He was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (98171) - you deserved it (23537)
On 09/04/2009 at 10:19pm - love - by mandy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, while riding in the car with my friends, we stopped at a red light. To our left, a very obese, middle aged man slowly unbuttoned his shirt and spread it out. He then stared at us while massaging his nipples with his thumb and index fingers for the duration of the red light. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39933) - you deserved it (4683)
On 09/04/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by Scarred (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I decided to lay out topless in my fenced-in backyard. For about an hour, everything was going great until I sneezed and my creepy, middle-aged neighbor said "bless you". From my bushes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41560) - you deserved it (12301)
On 09/02/2009 at 1:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (54697) - you deserved it (12530)
On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I lazily answered the door in my pajamas. It was my elderly neighbor asking to borrow a can opener. Despite the strange and unwarranted scowl she was giving me I obliged. It wasn't until after she had left that I notice my penis was completely sticking out through the flap in my pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36253) - you deserved it (17639)
On 08/27/2009 at 3:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house while his plumbing was being redone. I really had to pee, but the toilet wasn't working, so I peed in his cat's litterbox. His cat got defensive, and started attacking me while I peed. My boyfriend walked in and saw the whole thing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11042) - you deserved it (50286)
On 08/18/2009 at 9:13pm - love - by litterbox_girl (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was playing catch with my 6 year old cousin in the garden, when he demanded a piggy back. Trying to be the good cousin, I did so and he soon shouts "Run! Run!" so I do so. Suddenly he shouts "STOP! My winky's gone pointy". I gave my 6 year old cousin an erection. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49952) - you deserved it (4180)
On 08/18/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by Girl - United Kingdom (Hampshire)
Today, I found out that I was adopted, now my gay brother thinks it's acceptable to tell me that he's always wanted to have sex with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (83528) - you deserved it (3341)
On 08/12/2009 at 11:13pm - intimacy - by JPF (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I was putting on my new pair of jeans, when my girlfriend walked in. She found the "XS" size sticker on the side of my pants, held it for a little while then put it on my crotch. She then looked at me, gave a little shrug and half-smile and walked away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38174) - you deserved it (5497)
On 08/04/2009 at 12:15am - love - by just_a_bit_akwRd (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I went to a funeral for my coworker's father. While there, my dad's cell phone rang and he left to answer it. I turned to my brother and said, "I can't believe he brought his cell phone!" He whispered, "I can't believe he's got coverage. This is a dead zone!" I laughed loudly. At a funeral. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17896) - you deserved it (41632)
On 07/26/2009 at 1:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version
Today, I was having dinner with some friends at an Applebees. I couldn't decide on what I wanted, and after about 10 minutes of me flipping through the menu, our waiter brings over the braille menu complete with gigantic pictures of all the dishes and says "Here, I thought this might help." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9911) - you deserved it (37565)
On 07/13/2009 at 10:39pm - misc - by CompleteWithPictures (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, a friend of mine told me that he knew I was into kinky sex, "like getting tied up." I just stared at him, spluttering simple question words and wondering how on earth he could possibly know that about me. I then realized that he had been joking. Too late. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37294) - you deserved it (14616)
On 07/12/2009 at 2:05am - intimacy - by i.ask.you.how. (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my mom walks into my room, with a serious look on her face asks me "When a man is getting it from behind, the man on top orgasms, but what happens to the man on bottom? Do you think he takes care of himself or what?" Hand motions were included. FML
I agree, your life sucks (70746) - you deserved it (4466)
On 06/09/2009 at 4:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my younger brother and my parents were in my dorm room. When I wasn't looking, my brother opened the top drawer of my dresser (where I had a tube of half-used lube) and asked out loud: "What's Astroglide?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (22002) - you deserved it (6432)
On 01/17/2009 at 9:25am - intimacy - by Perpetually F-ed. - United States (Massachusetts)
Monday 17 June 2013
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