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Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23197) - you deserved it (4128)
On 08/23/2011 at 10:46am - intimacy - by Andrew (man) - United States
Today, while at the grocery store an elderly woman farted very loudly next to me. Everyone in the aisle looked our way. The woman pointed at me, and left the aisle. I received many disgusted looks from children and their parents. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24156) - you deserved it (1786)
On 08/23/2011 at 3:14am - misc - by kykynevs - United States (Illinois)
Today, a stripper came into my work to get some posters copied. She asked if she could pay in small bills. I just touched $50 that have probably rubbed up against a stripper's twat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20769) - you deserved it (4363)
On 08/20/2011 at 2:26pm - work - by ChePow (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, while riding in the car with my mother, we got into an argument, at which point she pulled the vehicle over, took the key out of the ignition and used it to turn off the passenger airbag. She then continued driving in silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27043) - you deserved it (3320)
On 08/20/2011 at 2:23am - misc - by W1D0 - United States (Illinois)
Today, I got my tongue pierced, then went to a pet store. A clerk came up to ask if I needed help. I showed him I already had some fish, and said, "No thanks." He must have thought I was "special," as he bent down and in a baby voice, said "You got fishy? FISHY FISHY FISHY!" while poking the bag. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19110) - you deserved it (8244)
On 08/17/2011 at 4:13am - misc - by aprilfools22 - United States (California)
Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5432) - you deserved it (48223)
On 08/16/2011 at 6:17am - animals - by NaniNarcotic - Australia (Victoria)
Today, the guy at Subway asked if I wanted to make my sandwich a footlong. I'm not sure what came over me, but before I realized what I was saying, I'd told him that I couldn't handle 12 inches. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20653) - you deserved it (6986)
On 08/14/2011 at 1:44pm - misc - by Username - United States (New York)
Today, the guy at Subway asked if I wanted to make my sandwich a footlong. I'm not sure what came over me, but before I realized what I was saying, I'd told him that I couldn't handle 12 inches. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20653) - you deserved it (6986)
On 08/14/2011 at 1:44pm - misc - by Username - United States (New York)
Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (28529) - you deserved it (8922)
On 08/06/2011 at 9:40pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my eight year old son came to me and said he thinks it's time he started wearing bras. It turns out his older brother has been mind-fucking him for the past several months and has him convinced it's something all boys his age do. I can't convince him otherwise. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28518) - you deserved it (2519)
On 08/06/2011 at 7:37pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, my boyfriend admitted that on his last visit, he snuck into the laundry and stole a lacy black thong he assumed was mine. It wasn't. It was my dad's. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28552) - you deserved it (2476)
On 08/05/2011 at 6:57pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)
Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML
I agree, your life sucks (36270) - you deserved it (10746)
On 08/02/2011 at 12:58am - kids - by ohcrap - United States (Colorado)
Today, my friends and I went to the strip club for my birthday. I now know how my sister is paying for her new car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45934) - you deserved it (5586)
On 07/23/2011 at 8:09pm - misc - by assante2010 - United States (Maine)
Today, after watching Insidious, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was on the toilet. I was in mid-piss when he jumped out at me, and I ran screaming and peeing down the hall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35242) - you deserved it (7731)
On 07/21/2011 at 5:24pm - love - by toni405 - United States
Today, I found out my boyfriend has checked every girl he has ever slept with for 'vagina teeth'. I'm apparently no exception. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29449) - you deserved it (3985)
On 07/20/2011 at 12:40am - intimacy - by knolan - United States
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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