This member hasn't filled in the description.
Socialite
You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21449) - you deserved it (10747)
On 12/16/2011 at 4:08am - kids - by Oily (man) - New Zealand (Waikato)
Today, I went to the pool with my new white bathers. I felt really good about myself because everyone was staring at me until this hot guy came up to me and said "Dude, your bathers are see-through. You need to shave!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (21031) - you deserved it (12058)
On 12/11/2011 at 2:23am - misc - by Embarrassed Swimmer (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I walked out of the store, car keys in hand, only to discover my car was missing. After a frantic search, I started to hyperventilate and a nearly had a full-blown panic attack. Then I remembered I walked to the store. I am an idiot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18588) - you deserved it (25104)
Today, I took my daughter to see Santa at the mall. When I went to pick her up from Santa's lap, my watch snagged on his beard, pulling it off in front of my daughter and about twenty kids in line. My daughter still isn't speaking to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20704) - you deserved it (3237)
On 12/08/2011 at 12:41pm - kids - by childdreamkiller (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my girlfriend left me. Knowing that I am a germaphobe, she took all of my cleaning supplies and spread mud and trash everywhere. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22544) - you deserved it (5262)
On 12/07/2011 at 10:33pm - health - by skrewedguy (man) - United States
Today, I found out that if a cop asks you if you have any weapons, and you reply by saying "only these guns" while flexing your biceps, they won't take it very well. And neither will the cops down at the station. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9217) - you deserved it (31800)
On 12/06/2011 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous -
Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10942) - you deserved it (27567)
On 12/05/2011 at 9:31pm - love - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30599) - you deserved it (7016)
On 11/27/2011 at 10:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I was at the mall and started singing along to the playing of "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas." A kid glanced at me and said to her mom, "She IS a hippopotamus." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24832) - you deserved it (7203)
On 11/26/2011 at 6:13pm - misc - by Person15 - United States (Indiana)
Today, we were going around the table, telling everyone what we were thankful for. My girlfriend said she was thankful for her vibrator, because I can't please her like it can. My family thought this was funny. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30491) - you deserved it (6435)
On 11/25/2011 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by notgoodenough - United States (Ohio)
Today, I found a condom on my bed with a note written by my girlfriend that said, "Since you started acting like a dick, you might as well dress like one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9353) - you deserved it (42222)
Today, I found Jesus. The bad news, he was in the form of a concrete statue falling on my car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27763) - you deserved it (407)
On 11/22/2011 at 12:18pm - misc - by religionbites621 - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27761) - you deserved it (4475)
On 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm - animals - by furryballoon (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I got into a car accident. The other party left the scene immediately after without exchanging insurance information. Deer can be so rude. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21060) - you deserved it (5850)
On 11/16/2011 at 9:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22768) - you deserved it (1762)
On 11/13/2011 at 3:40am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Monday 20 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
