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Today, a coworker thought it would be funny to put a tack on my chair. When I sat down, it went directly into my butt. When I sprang up, I hit my head on a lamp. I then hit my head on my desk on the way down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24851) - you deserved it (1926)
On 01/25/2012 at 12:03am - work - by Benjamin - United States (California)
Today, while I was peacefully sleeping, I felt a hand suddenly slap my forehead. Then fingers began to press against my mouth, then nose, then eyes. I finally woke up to my girlfriend laughing hysterically. She'd confused me with her clock-radio. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20308) - you deserved it (2455) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, I walked in on my sister sitting on the toilet, trying to use "The Force" to pull over the toilet paper roll sitting on the sink. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15260) - you deserved it (3043)
On 01/14/2012 at 8:24pm - misc - by 2gewd4u - United States (Texas)
Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16147) - you deserved it (28384)
Today, when I woke up I checked my phone for messages, only to hear a woman screaming that I have been sleeping with her husband and that she is sending her 'people' after me. I have never met said husband. I panicked for hours only to receive a call telling me she had dialed the wrong number. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21100) - you deserved it (1636)
On 01/04/2012 at 12:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was at the park feeding nuts to some squirrels. One fell down my shirt and the next thing I know I'm being attacked by a squirrel that looked like it was on steroids. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20360) - you deserved it (4906)
On 12/31/2011 at 2:24am - animals - by YOURMOM - United States (California)
Today, I walked into my elderly grandmother's trailer, used the bathroom and went to wash my hands. She had a soft spot in the floor that she covered with a bathmat. I fell through. Right leg up to my hip in the floor, boobs stuck on the counter. My husband and grandmother stood there laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18448) - you deserved it (1912)
On 12/27/2011 at 12:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I experienced the most intense pain I have ever had in my life. I was eating blueberries when my sister made a comment which sent me into hysterics. The force of having a bullet-like berry violently shoot out your nostril is more painful than it sounds. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19884) - you deserved it (2843)
On 12/26/2011 at 4:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my parents were coming to visit me at my brand new apartment. I made dinner and served them the cake my roomate had left for me in the fridge. Thirty minutes after they left, I was so baked that I couldn't think straight. I still don't know if my parents made it home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24590) - you deserved it (6910)
On 12/22/2011 at 1:11pm - misc - by Cookie (woman) - South Africa
Today, someone put dog turds underneath all the decorative reindeers' butts in my front yard. The chief suspect is my curmudgeonly, holidays-hating fuckball of a neighbor. Last week he repositioned them in very suggestive poses. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16533) - you deserved it (4152)
On 12/20/2011 at 9:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, after explaining to my two year old that we were going bra shopping, he decided to announce to the entire bank that we were going to buy Mommy some boobies. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13396) - you deserved it (16121)
On 12/20/2011 at 1:59pm - kids - by imamomma - United States
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I dated smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12852) - you deserved it (38812)
On 12/20/2011 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Ryan - United States (Arizona)
Today, I somehow managed to slam my trumpet case closed on my nipple. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23635) - you deserved it (6834)
On 12/17/2011 at 2:59am - misc - by MikeNick - United States
Today, I somehow managed to slam my trumpet case closed on my nipple. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23635) - you deserved it (6834)
On 12/17/2011 at 2:59am - misc - by MikeNick - United States
Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (27891) - you deserved it (4963)
On 12/16/2011 at 9:29pm - kids - by DocBastard (man) - Reserved
Monday 20 May 2013
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