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Today, at a soccer game held by my girlfriend's family, some idiot went to kick the ball, missed by a mile, and hit the ground hard. So I started a slow, sarcastic clap. I got a load of angry looks, followed by verbal abuse when we found out he'd split his head open on the ground. FML


I agree, your life sucks (9037) - you deserved it (22859)

On 10/07/2015 at 7:29am - health - by -_- (man) - United States (California)

Today, I took my dad out shopping. I managed to pull into a really cramped parking spot and said, "Man, that was a tight squeeze." My dad then looked me in the eyes and said, "So was your mom." FML


I agree, your life sucks (21869) - you deserved it (2469)

On 09/30/2015 at 9:13am - misc - by Nick Pat (man) -

Today, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to one another. He then did a naked victory lap around his dad's house, blasting Akon's "I Just Had Sex" at full volume. He's legally an adult. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24330) - you deserved it (4471)

On 09/24/2015 at 1:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML


I agree, your life sucks (21969) - you deserved it (1417)

On 09/23/2015 at 9:24am - misc - by Colin Jr. (man) - United States

Today, my son had a secret party. At first I was mad, then I had a complete and total Incredible Hulk meltdown when I realized that he had opened a bottle of very expensive whiskey, originally bottled by my great great grandfather in Scotland, and used it as a mixer with fucking Pepsi. FML


I agree, your life sucks (33751) - you deserved it (2332)

On 09/17/2015 at 3:48pm - kids - by Angus (man) - France

Today, I'm on vacation in Japan with my brother. When he said he could speak Japanese, I guess what he really meant that he's a dumbass weeaboo who only knows the words "kawaii", "baka", "sugoi" and a few others. He ended up offending two locals so much that they beat the shit out of us. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24885) - you deserved it (2920)

On 09/16/2015 at 1:16pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Japan

Today, my "friends" pulled an elaborate prank on me. First, they changed my ringtone to a recording of someone saying "Allahu Akbar" on repeat. Then, they called me as we had a moment of silence in honor of the 9/11 victims. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31036) - you deserved it (2706)

On 09/11/2015 at 9:50am - misc - by EverettA - United States (Ohio)

Today, I dyed my hair purple. I came out of the salon and a little girl walked past and said, "Wow, you look like a mermaid!", to which her mother quickly said, "No she doesn't, she looks like her parents don't love her." FML


I agree, your life sucks (27646) - you deserved it (4631)

On 08/31/2015 at 6:50pm - kids - by laurencoc - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was walking to my car with 600 dollars worth of books because I start college next week, when I was robbed by some guy that sounded like Cartman. He punched me because I could not stop laughing whenever he would try to threaten me. FML

Today, a customer approached me, smiling and asked what kind of cheese was in our cheddar cheese balls. Thinking he was joking, I laughed and said "swiss." He ordered, found they were indeed cheddar cheese, and reported me. FML

Today, I realized how cheap I am when I blacked out at a water park and some one yelled "Call 911!" I tried to mutter out "No, that's too expensive!" FML


I agree, your life sucks (14838) - you deserved it (13967)

On 08/16/2015 at 6:14pm - health - by extremereviews - United States (Texas)

Today, at a quiet restaurant, my stepdad loudly told me he hopes in the future they have "hover caskets" so he doesn't have to carry my "fat ass" to the grave. All because I didn't want a side salad. FML

Today, my son was planning on going clubbing. I disapproved, but no matter what I say he never listens, so I simply offered him some condoms so he doesn't end up knocking anyone up. He just said, "Nah, dad. Get 'em drunk enough and it's anal all the way." FML


I agree, your life sucks (30889) - you deserved it (5147)

On 07/18/2015 at 1:00am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was Skyping with my girlfriend. I was so incredibly tired and just wanted to go to bed, but she just kept talking and wouldn't let me go. I ended up blurting "Your mom's a cunt." just to start a fight and have an excuse to hang up on her. I feel like an asshole. FML


I agree, your life sucks (12642) - you deserved it (38395)

On 07/17/2015 at 8:54pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I watched a young shop assistant try her hardest to flirt with my 20-year-old son. When he continued to be totally oblivious, she outright invited him back to her flat. When he asked, "What for?" a piece of my soul died at how completely I have failed as a father. FML


I agree, your life sucks (32891) - you deserved it (4631)

On 07/16/2015 at 6:21pm - kids - by anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

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Monday 5 October 2015

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