About Nexus_surgeon : Trying to understand that my life is not so bad,as can be,while reading some stories=)
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Nexus_surgeon's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 10/27/2011 at 11:48pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
Today, I awoke to rose petals leading me to the front garden. Curious, I followed them, thinking my boyfriend planned something romantic. As I walked out the door, I was hit in the face with a paper plate full of whipped cream and sprinkles, and then locked outside. FML
by Eet- / 10/13/2011 at 3:20pm / United Kingdom (Dorset) / Love
Today, after getting dumped by my boyfriend, I tried to find comfort in one of my closest friends. He embraced me while I struggled against tears, and after a few moments of silence said, "Hey, you know what? I would fuck you anytime. Anytime." FML
by scewable / 10/13/2011 at 3:19am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by anonymous / 10/12/2011 at 2:11am / Canada / Love
Today, I wore my brand new Wonderbra to school. When I got home, my dad looked at me and started laughing hysterically. Between breaths, he asked if anyone actually thought my chest was that big and said "You know why it's called a Wonderbra? Guys take it off and wonder where your tits went." FML
by Anonymous / 10/10/2011 at 6:26pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend called me over to her house. When I knocked, no one responded to the door. I decided to check the back yard and found her sunbathing by the pool. I kneeled by her and placed my hand on her butt, kissing her neck. What I heard next, "So this is what you do with my daughter." FML
by Anonymous / 09/15/2011 at 7:54pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
by rochellamaya / 09/02/2011 at 8:47am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
by girlsx2mom / 08/31/2011 at 2:24am / United States / Intimacy
Today, while standing in line at the video store, I happen to notice a very hot young girl on the TV screen, and mentioned to my friend that I'd "hit that." I was immediately punched by the girl in front of me. Seems the hot girl on TV was her on a security monitor. FML
by helpless_soul / 08/29/2011 at 12:27am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was at my family reunion. I've always hated my family. I walked up behind my husband and said, "I can't wait to go home and make love." My husband turned around. It was my uncle wearing the same hat as my husband. FML
by dev / 08/28/2011 at 2:18am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by RainCl0ud / 08/27/2011 at 2:08am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by fmlTGOD / 08/24/2011 at 7:34am / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 08/22/2011 at 3:35pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend came over to stay the night. Before she arrived, I popped a viagra to spice things up. She then informed me that she was on her period and didn't feel comfortable doing it. I had a headache and a massive boner all night. FML
by RohnAbheek / 08/21/2011 at 1:36pm / India (Maharashtra) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend sexted me for the first time in months. Half way through reading it I was getting kind of hot. Then I found a spelling mistake and all I could think to do was correct her. She won't talk to me. FML
by KiDCuSHi / 08/20/2011 at 12:58am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, after tossing and turning for hours trying to sleep, I finally doze off. I am then awoken by… Today, my cross-country flight was delayed for an hour. When I finally boarded, I found out that my… Today, my mom got a jukebox. She hasn't stopped playing the music on a high volume for the past two…