About Neronine382 : There's a lot about me but I don't really find any of it interesting besides all of my past girlfriends have cheated, I'm tall, blue-silver eyes, and I love basketball and books. =]
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Neronine382's favorite FMLs
by Username / 05/17/2011 at 12:05am / Miscellaneous
Today, after a huge row with my best friend at school, I hid myself away in the bathroom and quietly sobbed to myself. A kid loudly busted into the stall next to me and took a minute-long shit that sounded like a hailstorm of bullets. The putrid stench made me retch and violently throw up everywhere. FML
by Amy / 03/31/2011 at 9:46pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health
by Albert06 / 03/14/2011 at 5:26pm / France / Love
Today, on the train, a cute girl gave me her number. After maybe half an hour, she went to her seat and I went to the toilet for a quick but loud and painful dump. I opened the door and saw her outside getting bitch-slapped by the smell. FML
Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? I dare you." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML
by NotAsToughAsHeThinks / 02/13/2011 at 10:25pm / United States (Montana) / Health
Today, I woke up on the top bunk of my bed with the birds chirping. I felt so energized, I gave a big stretch, and my hand hit the ceiling. I accidentally pushed the ceiling board up and lots of tiny spiders fell on me and my bed. FML
by Anonymous / 11/14/2010 at 2:51pm / South Africa / Animals
Today, my best friend was doing my hair. She got frustrated and exclaimed, "It won't stay!" I replied with, "Just like your mom!" It was then that I remembered her mom had just left her dad and moved out of the house to be with someone else. FML
by Nobody / 10/17/2010 at 1:17pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having sex with a girl when her parents decided to come home early. Trying to run out the back door I fell and broke my ankle. Not only did her former Navy Seal father find out I was banging his little princess, he drove me to the ER, alone. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store where this really cute guy works. I swiped my card but the machine wouldn't read it. I swiped it quickly some more before getting frustrated and saying, "Your stupid machine doesn't work!" He took the card and turned it around. His face said it all. FML
by MissSmarts / 12/13/2009 at 8:27pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to a phone call from my boss' wife. She demanded to know how long we'd been sleeping together. When I denied her allegations, she screamed that she knew all about my "history of sleeping with married men". I'm a virgin and I have to work with him tomorrow. FML
by bad_day_in_hell / 11/16/2009 at 11:05pm / United States (Montana) / Miscellaneous
by sore / 10/21/2009 at 4:27am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went down to my accommodation office in fiery wrath, demanding that something be done about my three-days-cold shower. Looking dubious, they sent someone back with me. As soon as we got there he looked at me with deep pity and pulled the cord in the corner that activated the hot water. FML
by abrazama / 10/02/2009 at 10:20am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was getting changed in front of my room mate of two years. Feeling comfortable, I took off all my clothes and started putting new clothes on. I asked why she wasn't taking her eyes off my naked body. She said "I'm loving the view. Didn't you know I'm a lesbian?" FML
by EyesOffMe / 09/07/2009 at 12:04am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by shaggy / 08/30/2009 at 5:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
- Today, I forgot my headphones at home, which wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to be in the third… Today, I arrived at my new job only to find out, that I wasn't supposed to be there, and the only… Today, I'm sick. This wouldn't be such a problem if I wasn't leaving for college in three days, and…