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Nerfherder69's favorite FMLs
by WickedRene / 08/01/2014 at 9:57pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I was bitched out by my 17 year old son's teacher. It seems the idiot teacher made the kids advocate for his own political beliefs in a presentation, and my son ended his speech saying, "And it remains my opinion that our instructor is cramping my motherfucking style." Instant suspension. FML
by Anonymous / 10/28/2011 at 11:52am / United States / Kids
Today, I learned that I can work out for over an hour a day, cut my daily calories by almost half, keep careful track of my diet, drink nothing but water, and not lose a pound. But I can sure as hell gain weight after one dinner at a buffet. FML
by foreverafatty / 03/31/2011 at 1:49am / United States (Nevada) / Health
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
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- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…
- Today, I went to a grad school fair. Tuition costs more than I make in a year. I'm thirty. I think… Today, a sweet old man came knocking. He asked about my elderly neighbor who he has been trying to… Today, I learned that if a friend ever suggests you sleep with her boyfriend, it's probably because…
- Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only… Today, I’m on vacation in Tunisia. Having trouble with the heat at night, I tried sleeping outside… Today, my mom had to go to one of her relatives’ funeral. She came to borrow a black scarf from me,…