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Nerfherder69's favorite FMLs
by WickedRene / 08/01/2014 at 9:57pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I was bitched out by my 17 year old son's teacher. It seems the idiot teacher made the kids advocate for his own political beliefs in a presentation, and my son ended his speech saying, "And it remains my opinion that our instructor is cramping my motherfucking style." Instant suspension. FML
by Anonymous / 10/28/2011 at 11:52am / United States / Kids
Today, I learned that I can work out for over an hour a day, cut my daily calories by almost half, keep careful track of my diet, drink nothing but water, and not lose a pound. But I can sure as hell gain weight after one dinner at a buffet. FML
by foreverafatty / 03/31/2011 at 1:49am / United States (Nevada) / Health
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
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- Today, I realized that I shower just about 3 times a day just to get away from my horrible family.… Today, I was left by my girlfriend of 3 years because I was over-jealous of her male friend because… Today, I was helping my friend move into a new apartment. As we were carrying his table up a flight…