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About NeatNit : Hi. I know what you're thinking - you want my hat. This hat is mine; If you want it, you're going to have to pry it from my cold, dead airholes.
The Thumb strikes back
You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.
I’m your new creative director
You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.
You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
Today, I had a horribly realistic dream where I was being robbed and had to swallow my wedding ring to save it. After waking up, I realized my wedding ring is in fact gone. The doctor assures me that I will have it back in a day or two. FML
Today, my motorcycle was stolen from the 4th level of my “secure” gated parking garage. I strategically park it tightly between my car and a concrete wall to limit theft opportunity. They scratched my car trying to get it out. FML
Today, we got my brother a pet hamster because he has trouble making friends. We thought a hamster would be a good way to teach him about caring for others. I walked into the room and the hamster was hanging from the ceiling. Turns out there's a reason my brother doesn't have friends. FML
Today, I was partnered with this really sexy guy for an audition. He says, "Am I really stuck with you? I can't even stand being seen with you in public!" I start cursing him out really loud, but then I realize that he's only reading the script. Everyone was staring, and he called me a crazy bitch. FML
Today, I wanted revenge on the rabbit who ate my garden's plants. When he returned, he was standing next to my brand new above-ground swimming pool. I pull out my 22. rifle and shot at it, but the bullet missed and popped a hole in my pool. 15,000 gallons of water flooded my basement. FML
Today, I was preparing a dinner for some business associates, in hopes of closing the deal on a promotion. I emailed them with the menu, in case there were any allergies. Hours later, I checked the email again to find that instead of serving the Roast Duck I would be serving the Roast Fuck. FML
Today, I was at the mall blasting music. I was wearing a nice shirt, and had my iPod in my breast pocket. I noticed a cute girl smiling at me, so I smiled back and as she started to walk over, I turned down my music while smiling. It looked like I was rubbing my nipple. FML
Today, I went bowling. The guy at the lane next to us was bowling by himself and had a few of his own bowling balls, and he had one that looked like a yin-yang and it looked very cool spinning down the lane into the pins. Not really thinking, I casually said to him "Hey, I like your balls." FML
Today, my friend Kate and I were helping build a playground. Halfway through, a construction worker asks where we go to school. I told him we graduated and proudly held degrees in psych. The construction worker stopped mid-dig, glanced at us sadly and said, "yeah that's what my degree's in too." FML
Today, a friend and I went to Gamestop to pick up a game he wanted. I ended up buying a 17+ game, and I was prepared to show my license, but he stopped me an said, "I know you're 18". He then said, "Man, I've pretty much watched you grow up in this store." A game salesman watched me grow up. FML
Today, my boyfriend took me to his grandfather's funeral. At the reception, his family members insist on hearing me play piano. After getting positive reactions, I dive into one of my favorites, Rustle of Spring. In 2 seconds everyone bursts into tears. That was Papa's favorite too. FML
Today, I sent everyone a text on my phone book saying, "Happy Star Wars Day!!! May the Fourth be with you!!" I forgot to uncheck my exgirlfriend's number. She texted back, "one of the many reasons I broke up with you." FML
Today, I went into work to set up a new store. There was a lot of lifting so I dressed casual. This happened to be the day the owner brought in his conservative family to check out the store. I was wearing a shirt that says "everyone poops" and has a donkey and elephant pooping. FML
Today, I was playing one on one soccer with a girl like. I accidentally kicked the ball right into her face. The ball rolled back towards me and as I was running to see if she was ok, I kicked the ball... right into her face again. FML
Monday 1 September 2014