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NaomiOchoa's favorite FMLs
Today, after I have spent $3,000 dollars in preparations to move in with my girlfriend of 2 and 1/2 years, she confesses she's a mental patient who stole someone elses identity. She was telling the truth. FML
by IMayBeAFool / 10/13/2009 at 2:38am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by Pierceew / 09/19/2009 at 1:22am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was driving on the freeway when I get a call from my friend explaining that our two best friends died in a car accident. I pulled over in hysterics and a cop came to see what was wrong. I explained what happened and he gave me a ticket for talking on the phone while driving. FML
by sadinseattle / 07/22/2009 at 1:13pm / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say my full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML
by SleepyKirsty / 06/09/2009 at 9:36am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Intimacy
Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML
by Anonymous / 03/29/2009 at 3:09pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I stayed over at my grandparents' house. I woke up and had to brush my teeth. My grandma asked if I had found a toothbrush to use. I told her that I used my old purple toothbrush. She told me that was the toothbrush she used to brush her toenails. FML
by uofpalum / 03/18/2009 at 9:41pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Health
by KAAALIS / 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML
by Noname / 03/05/2009 at 2:44pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health
Today, I was collecting on a bet I had with a buddy on a sports game. He owed me lunch. I have a huge crush on the waitress and told him. She asked if we wanted the checks split and he said, "No, my boyfriend doesn't have any money." FML
by MichiganExile / 01/31/2009 at 1:19pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
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- Today, my vegan friend, not knowing that I'm allergic to soy, snuck tofu into my chicken burrito to… Today, and for the last few days I've stopped texting the people I talk with daily to see if they'd… Today, after three weeks of trying to get my cat to let me hold him long enough to cut his claws,…