Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

NUTCR4CK3R

Search for a member

NUTCR4CK3R
  • Town/Country : New York
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 13 March 1998 (16 years)
  • Number of visits : 112
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

NUTCR4CK3R's last visitors

Welshitemarmar9407KevinFlynndead_insectsJillianBalltllomalicealiveordeadxALEXxxSwirllBlue_BlackAjwc101

NUTCR4CK3R's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

The rules are the rules

Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.

See all of NUTCR4CK3R's badges

NUTCR4CK3R's favorite FMLs

Today, I got home from work early and discovered why my 17-year-old daughter's sprained elbow isn't getting any better after weeks of treatment. She can't stop giving handjobs. FML

#20764944
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62405) - you deserved it (7358)

On 07/05/2013 at 10:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic depiction of sex. Just as I finished explaining to him that threesomes rarely happen in real life, he started crying. I feel like a dream-crushing monster. FML

#20756438
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42800) - you deserved it (7934)

On 06/30/2013 at 5:44pm - kids - by sorry, kiddo (man) - Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest)

Today, I was sitting at my favorite coffee shop, when a creepy 50-ish looking guy sat at my table. He asked if I'm into submissive guys, and if I wanted to dominate him. I'm a 17-year-old girl, and am now scared to ever go back there. FML

#20754256
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42601) - you deserved it (2507)

On 06/29/2013 at 1:18pm - misc - by perdix??? (woman) - Czech Republic

Today, a drunk driver drove his car through my mailbox. He got pissed, started yelling, and threatened to sue me for "putting the mailbox in the middle of the road". If my front lawn is a road, I'm going to have some serious issues. FML

#20754226
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38054) - you deserved it (2225)

On 06/29/2013 at 12:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, on my first day at my new job delivering pizzas, I got bit by a guy dressed as Dracula. FML

#20750993
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38627) - you deserved it (2757)

On 06/27/2013 at 7:15pm - work - by keiran123 - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was diagnosed with strep throat. My mom wasted no time accusing me of whoring around and claiming that most people get strep from performing oral sex. FML

#20750267
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38753) - you deserved it (2723)

On 06/27/2013 at 12:58pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Finland (Western Finland)

Today, I rode my motorcycle to an appointment and parked in the parking garage. When I got out, some ass had pushed my bike from the spot and had boxed it in between the wall and his car. Apparently, he felt he deserved the spot more than me and didn't care if I wanted to leave. FML

#20748752
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37702) - you deserved it (3330)

On 06/26/2013 at 4:49pm - misc - by MadMax - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I faced my severe phobia of spiders in order to remove a rather large one from my home. After 20 minutes of desperate struggling, it was finally taken care of. Relieved, I sat down and glanced across the hallway just in time to see a second, equally large spider strutting across the wall. FML

Today, I was feeding some ducks. One of them choked to death on the old bread. FML

#20744476
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45226) - you deserved it (12833)

On 06/24/2013 at 12:41pm - animals - by Anonymous - Belgium

Today, my husband finally returned from his 18-month deployment. Sexually starved, we wasted no time getting busy. Later as we finally cooled off, I got a message from my Aunt. She was hiding in our closet the whole time to surprise us with cake for his safe return. FML

#20743795
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72779) - you deserved it (6473)

On 06/24/2013 at 12:37am - intimacy - by jgtrflynn (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was playing a video game that required me to hunt a few animals. My mom walked in, saw what I was doing, then went into her psycho vegan mode and started yelling at me. She basically grounded me for "murdering" pixels on a screen. FML

#20742729
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41213) - you deserved it (3922)

On 06/23/2013 at 2:14pm - misc - by welp, time to become an assassin (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I took my cat to the vet. The creepy vet looked me in the eyes and said, "This isn't the only pussy I'll be checking out today." FML

#20742647
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49842) - you deserved it (3522)

On 06/23/2013 at 1:26pm - misc - by o_O (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I found out that my creepy neighbor paid a guy to install a camera in my bathroom. It's been there for three months. The guy he paid? My brother. FML

#20741960
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49079) - you deserved it (2761)

On 06/23/2013 at 12:37am - misc - by part time all the time - United States (Michigan)

Today, my mom cut off the legs of all my pants, because she says I don't show enough skin for guys. I'm now forced to wear jaggedly cut shorts that barely cover my thighs until I can buy new ones. FML

#20739324
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47425) - you deserved it (4678)

On 06/21/2013 at 4:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, after cricket training, the homeless man that lives in the drain next to the nets threw a beer bottle full of piss at me for rejecting him for a date last week. I ducked; it sailed through my car’s open window and smashed all over the seats. FML

#20738647
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44064) - you deserved it (4241)

On 06/21/2013 at 5:04am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (South Australia)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: