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NHope's favorite FMLs
Today, my 6-year-old son was so angry at me for not buying him overpriced candy at the airport, that he told a security guard I had a machine gun in my suitcase. The interrogation was not pleasant. FML
by Terminator101101 / 05/30/2013 at 7:06pm / United States (Nevada) / Love
Today, I wanted revenge on my college's drinks machine. For the past two days, it forgot to release a cup before pouring my coffee. This time, I had planned ahead; I put my money in, entered the code, and quickly inserted my own cup. It gave me hot water. FML
by Anonymous / 04/29/2013 at 3:25am / France / Money
by ironies a b*tch / 04/13/2013 at 1:04am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
by Apes / 03/25/2013 at 3:18am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, my roommates decided to hold an intervention. They told me I would have to break up with my boyfriend because they don't want people having sex in our apartment during college exams. My boyfriend agreed. FML
by Tooloud / 03/24/2013 at 7:21pm / Canada / Intimacy
by cheeseburglar_9000 / 03/20/2013 at 9:11pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was outside at a café and looked at my phone. When I did, a woman halfway across the patio started screaming at me, demanding I tell her who I was texting and why. She then sprinted over, furious at me for apparently badmouthing her to somebody. All I did was check the time. FML
by Anonymous / 03/17/2013 at 7:00am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by hejdixjeln / 03/17/2013 at 6:25am / United States (Illinois) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend still won't talk to me, after I caused him the "worst embarrassment" of his life in front of his friends. What did I do wrong? I joined their conversation and ended up confusing the fictional characters of Gollum and Yoda with one another. FML
by Anonymous / 03/15/2013 at 8:12pm / France (Centre) / Miscellaneous
by guy / 03/15/2013 at 1:31am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's will. I didn't expect to receive anything, since his side of the family had always ostracized me for being born out of wedlock. I did get something: $3,500, on the binding condition that I use a portion of it to get a vasectomy. FML
by grandson of a p.o.s. / 03/14/2013 at 6:04pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my car got broken into. A small folded plastic bag and a few toothpicks I got from a restaurant were stolen. It's going to cost me a few hundred bucks to fix and clean my car over a 10 cent bag and a few free toothpicks. FML
by ScrewedForCheapBag / 03/14/2013 at 4:52am / United States (California) / Money
Today, due to a flat tire, I only had 20 minutes to complete a 35 minute walk to catch my train. I ended up sprinting up the snow-covered frozen hill in heels, luggage in hand, only to arrive 1 minute in time, and to find out that the train had been cancelled. Next train in 1 hour. FML
by KK3137 / 03/13/2013 at 10:50am / France / Transportation
Today, I found out why the parents whose children I babysit use me so often and on such short notice. It's not because they have abrupt nights out; it's because their kids hate me, and me being around is their way of punishing them. FML
by Anonymous / 03/13/2013 at 10:41am / United States (California) / Work
- Today, my husband and I were role playing to keep our marriage alive. His character was a deranged… Today, I was using a penis pump for the first time. It was awesome until it sucked my left testicle… Today, my boyfriend called condoms the "biggest scam in history" and said I won't get pregnant if I…