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MysticalCupcakes

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MysticalCupcakes

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MysticalCupcakes's favorite FMLs

Today, my brother decided to join me on my first date. Not only did he answer the door with a bat, he also got inside the car and sat next to my date, pushing me to the back. He stayed the entire time, and walked me back to the house. My mom laughed and gave him $20. It was a dare. FML

Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML

#20110144
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27466) - you deserved it (4725)

On 10/10/2012 at 4:43am - animals - by assholecat (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after a visit with my mom, I started feeling sick. I meant to send her a text asking if she had gotten sick lately, but I accidentally sent a text asking if she had gotten dick lately. FML

#20054615
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27721) - you deserved it (4615)

On 09/02/2012 at 7:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my son had to call me from his school's principal's office because he was disrupting his health class by laughing whenever the teacher said "sex". My son is 16. FML

#19453519
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23857) - you deserved it (3638)

On 04/12/2012 at 12:18am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I learned that an inspired gardening spree is not as fulfilling as some would have us believe. One punctured hand, cactussed foot and bruised ankle later, I'm beginning to regret waking up this morning and thinking, "What the hell, I'll nuke the shit out of some weeds." FML

Today, my mother and I went to a meeting at my school about a camping trip the students in my grade will be going on. When the time to ask questions came, my mother raised her hand and loudly asked, "What if my child is on their period during the trip?" FML

#19281445
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31311) - you deserved it (2016)

On 03/15/2012 at 3:49am - misc - by Bebefer - United States (California)

Today, whilst stacking the dish washer I dropped a steak knife. Luckily, I caught it just before it hit my foot. I fist-pumped to celebrate my amazing catch and stabbed myself in the cheek. My parents couldn't stop laughing all the way to the hospital. FML

#19277345
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10479) - you deserved it (32081)

On 03/14/2012 at 3:11pm - misc - by zztopspinner (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns out I've cured her of that illness she gets every month. FML

#19276120
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28923) - you deserved it (18099)

On 03/14/2012 at 3:51am - misc - by daddy-o - United States (Utah)

Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy of a practical joke by my best friend. I have been using this CV unsuccessfully for over two months. FML

#19270252
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29897) - you deserved it (7412)

On 03/13/2012 at 8:51am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML

#19263834
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7019) - you deserved it (33224)

On 03/12/2012 at 10:55am - misc - by gengiskarn69 (man) - United States

Today, I choked on a gummy bear and ended up in the emergency room. The first thing the doctor said to me was, "Well, that must have been 'beary' uncomfortable." The entire room burst into laughter. FML

#19222956
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25196) - you deserved it (7719)

On 03/05/2012 at 7:43pm - health - by Kayla - United States

Today, I came back from a holiday and the friend who'd been looking after my cats returned my spare key. When I wanted to put some relaxing music on, I noticed that he'd switched most of my CDs around in their cases. I have over a thousand of them. Very funny, thanks. FML

#19148327
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21590) - you deserved it (4069)

On 02/23/2012 at 6:52pm - misc - by Veryfunny (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "the Fuckinator." FML

#19136346
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34115) - you deserved it (4986)

On 02/22/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was talking to my husband about a work colleague, whose boyfriend is always sending her flowers and fawning over her. I mentioned how I've never been treated like that. He glanced up from his video game and said, "Shit, Mel. Get a boob job then." FML

#19103032
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29739) - you deserved it (7440)

On 02/17/2012 at 9:04pm - love - by Mel Ancholy (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got into a fist-fight with a wasp, aka a Nazi helicopter. Despite swiping at it with ninja-like skills, I lost. FML

#19040540
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7362) - you deserved it (24196)

On 02/10/2012 at 9:13am - animals - by Stung (man) - United Kingdom



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