MurderBlack

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Offline (the 12/04/2014 at 1:40am)

MurderBlack

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5131
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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MurderBlack's page activity

Visits<b>ItsAUnicorn</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 9:13am<b>cina5</b> - the 06/08/2014 at 1:58pm<b>iknowsomeofit</b> - the 03/16/2014 at 11:24pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 03/13/2014 at 7:02am<b>WhoopteDo</b> - the 02/18/2014 at 4:46pm<b>xerbrus</b> - the 02/01/2014 at 5:14pm<b>Nickb55</b> - the 12/27/2013 at 12:26am

MurderBlack's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

See all of MurderBlack's badges

MurderBlack's favorite FMLs

Today, I met my best friend's girlfriend for the first time. After a few hours of talking and eating, she followed me to the bathroom and said, dead serious, ''If you ever touch him or get too close to him, I will cut you''. I've known him for twelve years, they have been dating for a month. FML

by ohwell / 11/24/2014 at 8:44am / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Love

Today, I spent 20 minutes arguing with the class dipshit, trying to convince her that wifi hot-spots are not in fact saunas powered by wifi. FML

by Donutsarelife / 11/19/2014 at 10:09am / United States / Geek

Today, in the middle of a boring class, my friend offered me some Smarties. We're not allowed to eat in class, but I had a couple anyway. As I put them in my mouth, my "friend" stood up and yelled that I was doing ecstasy. I might actually get expelled. FML

by drugsforthugs / 11/18/2014 at 12:26pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, a character in the video game I was playing called my character a slut. My boyfriend ripped the controller from my hands, shot him dead, then fired the rest of my ammo into his corpse while yelling "FUCK YOU, BUDDY!" Good to know I'm dating a total lunatic. FML

by notsofriendly / 11/06/2014 at 3:15pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I took a army-mandated personality evaluation test. The results said I had a high chance of schizophrenia and multiple personality syndrome. Part of me says that the test is probably spot-on, the other part says it has to be a mistake. Apparently this is another sign of schizophrenia. FML

Today, after my shower, I went to clear off my fogged-up mirror. Doing so, I noticed a handprint on it. I compared it to my hand, but it was much too small. I live alone. FML

by spooked / 11/05/2014 at 3:44pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized why the lady I had complimented the night before on Halloween about her amazing one-armed costume, looked so hurt. She is literally missing an arm. I'm an asshole. FML

by That Guy / 11/01/2014 at 8:58am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I dressed up as my friend for Halloween. He has a very distinct style and I thought my costume was pretty clever. When he saw me, he said he had never been so offended in his entire life, and now I feel like a complete asshole. FML

by Anonymous / 11/01/2014 at 1:47am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, at my apartment complex, I was carrying a bag of trash up to the dumpster. A guy stopped his car and helped me carry it the rest of the way. I thanked him and he asked me out. I explained that I was married. He grabbed the trash bag and carried it back to my apartment. FML

by mellielynnemily / 10/26/2014 at 6:46pm / United States / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I tried roleplaying a teacher-student during sex. We're both studying to be actors, so we ended up going into a really deep, emotional storyline that didn't end in sex at all. FML

by too good / 10/24/2014 at 6:54am / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy

Today, I found a book in my attic that I always read when I was a kid. For old times sake I read it again. On the very first page, child me had written, "Go to page 15" so I did. On page 15, in big red letters, it said, "Get bent". I got pranked by myself. FML

by Deadpool434 / 10/19/2014 at 3:27pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend jerking off to what I thought was porn on his phone. He was actually beating it to Siri's voice. FML

by fizzie101 / 10/18/2014 at 5:43pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, as always, I have Tourette's syndrome. It causes me to occasionally make a beeping noise. My boyfriend just figured out that if he beeps back, it makes me beep again. He thinks it's hilarious and won't stop. FML

by Beeper / 10/11/2014 at 3:07pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

by Anonymous / 10/10/2014 at 4:38pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage. I guess I hit the spot, because he muttered, "Please marry me" into the pillow. Considering we've been going out for years and had spoken about marriage before, I stopped in my tracks. He stammered, "Oh, I mean... Not like that. Will you keep going?" FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2014 at 7:41pm / United States (California) / Love