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  • Number of visits : 171
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Visits<b>emeraldisle</b> - the 11/25/2014 at 1:58am

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Today, someone on Instagram posted a picture of himself with gym lifting straps around his neck. I commented "autoerotic asphyxiation" and now a 250-pound bodybuilder wants to kill me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22761) - you deserved it (38274)

On 03/26/2014 at 6:39pm - health - by athletiks (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got billed for $80 of Justin Bieber music. It wouldn't have been so bad if it were my daughter who bought it all, instead of my husband. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43138) - you deserved it (4193)

On 03/26/2014 at 2:00pm - misc - by husbands addiction - United States (California)

Today, while working at Dairy Queen, a customer asked me what was so special about our ice cream cakes, and how they're different from regular cakes. I chuckled, and told her it's because they're made from ice cream. She threw a fit, which resulted in me being written up and sent home early. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40762) - you deserved it (5988)

On 03/25/2014 at 11:53pm - work - by Coryj1220 - United States (Kentucky)

Today, after recently complaining that the reality show "The Great Norway Adventure" portrays us as a country of nationalistic rednecks, I saw my drunk dad chasing my uncle on a tractor while bellowing the national anthem at the top of his lungs. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45824) - you deserved it (5002)

On 10/19/2013 at 3:37pm - misc - by overly nationalistic redneck (woman) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, I was at work at Krispy Kreme for national "talk like a pirate" day. If you dressed like a pirate you'd get a free dozen donuts. A man came in with just an eyepatch on. Thinking he was trying to get a free dozen, I told him he needed to try harder. Turned out the eyepatch was real. FML


I agree, your life sucks (46944) - you deserved it (13108)

On 09/19/2013 at 8:47pm - work - by Jamie - United States (Virginia)

Today, I took my laptop to I.T. to fix my internet. Only after I left did I realise my memory technique for remembering the stages of mitosis (Iraqi penis man anally transmits chlamydia) was left as a sticky note on my desktop. The guy definitely noticed. FML


I agree, your life sucks (35433) - you deserved it (11205)

On 09/04/2013 at 7:18am - misc - by interphaseprophasemetaphase (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I explained to my roommate that if she kept using all of our kitchen utensils as sex toys and hoarding them because of the varying degrees of orgasms she could achieve, we wouldn't be able to cook or eat in our own house. FML

Today, at the exact moment that I leaned over to show my dad a picture on my phone, my boyfriend texted me: "I'm no weather man, but you can expect a few inches tonight." FML


I agree, your life sucks (69732) - you deserved it (13454)

On 04/17/2013 at 1:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML


I agree, your life sucks (193651) - you deserved it (49393)

On 05/02/2009 at 2:28am - work - by Dunzo15 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my mother called me downstairs to give me what I assumed was going to be "The Talk" (About four years too late). So she sits me down, holds my hands, and with the gentlest, most motherly expression on her face tells me, "Honey, if you ever come home pregnant, I'll kill you and the baby." FML

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