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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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MukyDaCookie

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MukyDaCookie
  • Town/Country : Edmonton, Canada
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 103825
  • Number of comments : 265
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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MukyDaCookie's favorite FMLs

Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML

#3262847 (371)

I agree, your life sucks (5702) - you deserved it (82093)

On 06/27/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by notinflammable (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML

#2812014 (269)

I agree, your life sucks (73311) - you deserved it (13611)

On 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm - misc - by NoBalls (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

#2772494 (859)

I agree, your life sucks (85937) - you deserved it (50898)

On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I found out my mom paid my best friend $20 to be my friend when we were 10. FML

#2699534 (162)

I agree, your life sucks (88912) - you deserved it (3803)

On 06/07/2009 at 7:15pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was shaving my balls with a blade razor because my electric trimmer had died and I had a big date with the girl of my dreams. I moved too quickly and accidentally knicked a vein in my scrotum. I had to hold gauze over my balls until the paramedics arrived. FML

#2372867 (351)

I agree, your life sucks (26047) - you deserved it (41145)

On 05/28/2009 at 1:15pm - health - by ITguy1982 (man) - United States (New York)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I learned that no matter how much you assume that the crunchy bits in a bag of crisps are in fact crisps, you will occasionally find that your assumptions are wrong. Beetles just don't have the same appeal. FML

#1749870 (75)

I agree, your life sucks (34842) - you deserved it (3682)

On 05/08/2009 at 4:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I went to Target. I was on my way to the bathroom when I find a huge mirror. No one was around so I started to see how my butt looked in my jeans, checked up my nose and fixed my bra. An older woman then walks out of a door next to the mirror and explains that it's a two-way mirror. FML

#1741701 (116)

I agree, your life sucks (14035) - you deserved it (30670)

On 05/08/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by cammy123 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while driving home I had to pee really bad. I decided to speed to get home quicker. I got pulled over for speeding and peed my pants. The cop, assuming I was drunk, made me take a sobriety test. I had to walk a straight line with piss all over my pants at 2:00 in the afternoon. FML

#1692972 (114)

I agree, your life sucks (46989) - you deserved it (7791)

On 05/06/2009 at 3:11pm - misc - by jojo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I saw a couple of beetles doing it. Jealous, I quickly crushed them with my boot while screaming, "IF I CAN'T DO IT, NOBODY WILL!" All the little kids playing on the local playground, including parents supervising them, gave me dirty, confused looks. FML

#1683543 (544)

I agree, your life sucks (15213) - you deserved it (82656)

On 05/06/2009 at 2:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML

#1631197 (150)

I agree, your life sucks (20320) - you deserved it (53300)

On 05/04/2009 at 4:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I sent everyone a text on my phone book saying, "Happy Star Wars Day!!! May the Fourth be with you!!" I forgot to uncheck my exgirlfriend's number. She texted back, "one of the many reasons I broke up with you." FML

#1628197 (379)

I agree, your life sucks (20155) - you deserved it (51520)

On 05/04/2009 at 3:04pm - misc - by 1suckatL1fe - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

#1550190 (368)

I agree, your life sucks (111527) - you deserved it (26042)

On 05/02/2009 at 2:28am - work - by Dunzo15 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking downstairs to the subway. At the top of the stairs this hobo was peeing. Two seconds before, I told my friend I felt rain. It wasn't rain. FML

#1519871 (59)

I agree, your life sucks (47418) - you deserved it (2082)

On 05/01/2009 at 9:15am - misc - by DudeManBro69 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, a telemarketer called for my dad. Jokingly, I said, "I haven't seen him for like five days...I'm starting to get worried," in my best child-like voice. Apparently the telemarketer called Child Protective Services. I'm 20. FML

#1490808 (105)

I agree, your life sucks (10492) - you deserved it (46269)

On 04/30/2009 at 2:03pm - misc - by Telemistake (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was pissed off. I kicked a soccer ball into my wall, and it bounced back, hit my head and knocked me into the wall behind me. My head hurts like hell. Even inanimate objects hate me. FML

#1448827 (92)

I agree, your life sucks (12682) - you deserved it (43757)

On 04/29/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Cammy (man) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh)