MuffyStJacques

Search for a member

MuffyStJacques

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 19 November 1991 (24 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1614
  • Number of comments : 160
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About MuffyStJacques : Buy the ticket, take the ride.
-Hunter S. Thompson
About me: I'm not nice and I don't care about your feelings.

MuffyStJacques's page activity

Visits<b>Nahpets</b> - the 05/12/2016 at 1:09pm<b>ILoveMyDogs420</b> - the 04/19/2016 at 8:39am<b>shrinkdinck</b> - the 04/16/2016 at 12:24pm<b>moosecrofts</b> - the 04/04/2016 at 1:09pm<b>fknblahhh</b> - the 03/04/2016 at 11:39pm<b>Envy22</b> - the 10/22/2015 at 11:34pm<b>facelick</b> - the 10/05/2015 at 1:59pm<b>ShortStop19</b> - the 09/28/2015 at 9:12pm<b>10220706</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 7:37pm<b>Zach_attack_</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 2:21am<b>sullysair123</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 12:18am<b>sikanderkhan</b> - the 05/31/2015 at 12:06am<b>wratty11</b> - the 05/28/2015 at 12:44pm<b>AnnaDeWitt</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 4:43pm<b>shivamtrivedi</b> - the 02/25/2015 at 6:17pm<b>simplysarcastics</b> - the 09/20/2014 at 12:33pm<b>allie2590</b> - the 09/18/2014 at 1:32pm<b>HPCullen251</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 3:04pm

MuffyStJacques's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

MuffyStJacques's favorite FMLs

­Today, my dog decided to fly through the front door like Superman. All 180lbs of her promptly slammed sideways into the wall, putting a dog-sized hole in the plaster. FML

by a man / 04/10/2011 at 3:32pm / United States (Tennessee) / Animals

Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. I had my headphones in and was blasting my music. It was also cold so I had my hood up. I had my back turned to the house and wasn't paying attention. My brother thought I was a burglar and tackled me to the concrete. FML

by Ouch / 04/10/2011 at 4:55am / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to Victoria's Secret to get fitted for a new bra since mine weren't fitting properly. To my amazement, I wasn't a 32A, but a 32AA. I might as well have craters on my chest. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2011 at 5:09pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, the elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at my doctors office. I had been having violent diarrhea. It was the reason I was at the doctor. Elevator was stuck for 35 minutes. During that time, I diarrhea'd in my pants twice. There were seven other people in the elevator. FML

by Christopher / 12/13/2010 at 4:16am / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, without even trying, I convinced my 17-year-old daughter that blueberries are just peas holding their breath. I have raised a complete airhead. FML

by parentfail / 12/11/2010 at 9:44am / United Kingdom / Kids

Today, I was on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy comes and sits next to me. Next thing I know, he lets out a loud fart, then looks my way with pride. I stare back in shock. He then says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML

by flying13 / 11/03/2010 at 3:27am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML

by gorillalove / 09/11/2010 at 3:25pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that whilst I was asleep last night, my boyfriend was playing on his XBox. I also found out that whenever he unlocked a new level, achievement or just generally beat someone's ass, he would celebrate by pulling out one of his pubes and putting it in my mouth. FML

by doesnttastegood / 02/01/2010 at 5:23am / United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was eating MandMs on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering, "Where is that little bastard?" FML

by awilson / 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a video of myself filmed last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming, "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" while naked. FML

by ShiriSarah / 08/20/2009 at 10:39am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML

by NinjaPanda88 / 08/01/2009 at 3:44am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I went to announce to my son that I am pregnant again. After I told him, he looks up and yells: "fuck this shit!" and walks out of the room. My son is nine years old. FML

by poormom / 06/27/2009 at 12:05am / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, I was in line at a checkout. I have quite a few facial piercings and 1/2" gauges in my ears. The very heavy cashier asks how big my gauges are and then starts telling me about how she recently got her clitoris pierced and how sometimes she has orgasms behind the register. FML

by toomuchmetal / 06/24/2009 at 3:17pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML

by ....... / 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

by fmlfmlfml / 06/02/2009 at 2:03pm / United States (California) / Animals