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Msfan93's FML badges

50 favourites

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Msfan93's favorite FMLs

Today, I realized just how much of a bitch I am when I grounded my son for not telling me what he got me for my birthday. FML

by MeanMother / 06/28/2012 at 4:29pm / United States (Missouri) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend told me I was almost perfect. And the only reason I'm not completely perfect is because I don't like Mountain Dew. FML

by Anonymous / 06/24/2012 at 1:01am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my mom reached the lowest point of her midlife crisis. She convinced herself she's psychic and grounded me for something she "knows" I'm going to do. FML

by Coffee Boy / 06/23/2012 at 12:55am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I have never read any of the Harry Potter books. FML

by Nate / 01/12/2012 at 12:36am / United States / Love

Today, I saw my dad for the first time in ten years. He was stealing my car. FML

by Anonymous / 12/02/2011 at 1:15am / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, I failed my driving test before even leaving the DMV parking lot. FML

by that guy / 11/17/2011 at 7:19pm / Transportation

Today, I went to the DMV for my second attempt to get my license. I did everything perfectly, stayed at the speed limit, did my three-point turn flawlessly, and parked nicely. The lady failed me because I wasn't using the stick shift right. My car doesn't have a stick shift. FML

by dmvfail / 09/14/2011 at 8:13pm / United States (North Carolina) / Transportation

Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML

by Anonymous / 07/29/2011 at 8:31pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, I learned that my daughter's gerbils are not afraid of the vacuum cleaner. FML

by corasmom / 07/27/2011 at 2:09pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, my girlfriend's overprotective parents decided that I'm a bad influence on their daughter. I'm a straight A engineering student who openly speaks out against drugs, alcohol, and discrimination. Their reason? Someone told them I dyed my hair black. They think I'm a "closet Nazi". FML

by rbeast / 07/21/2011 at 12:10am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I saw a turtle on the road so I swerved, and hit a tree. The people behind me then hit the turtle. FML

by turtle / 07/12/2011 at 9:26am / United States (Illinois) / Animals

Today, my boss's cat died. I'm expected to attend the service. FML

by whymyliferose / 06/03/2011 at 12:47am / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, I saw a homeless man on the corner, I thought I would be generous and give him some cash. I rolled down my window and waved my hand for him to come over. As he was walking over, he was struck by another car. FML

by carson28 / 12/16/2010 at 9:23pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, in math class, I got an answer "wrong." The teacher yelled at me, then he realized that my answer was correct. Then he yelled at me for not correcting him. FML

by jessii / 10/09/2010 at 4:22am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working on my family genealogy. I found out that my best friend's great-grandfather murdered my great-grandfather. FML

by cantstoplaughing / 10/06/2010 at 12:32am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous