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About MrsPegg : I love reading about poor souls and their sh*tty days. Priding myself on taking joy out of others misery. Been on FML for a while now and am currently in a psychiatric program for my severe and utter intolerance to bullsh*t.
For those special ones who like to use FML as a dating platform: I like guns, fast cars, whiskey, astrology, zombie/horror/thriller/action movies, long walks on the beach, deep/intellectual conversation, puppies/kittehs, controversial conversation, romance and roses.
Hopefully you'll know and see that most of the time I'm being sarcastic or pulling your chain... You're warned.
I also will give a fuck, for a fuck. Fucks for fucks sake. Just shoot me a fucking message if you want one, because I can't keep up with the fucking profile views.
Last but surely not least: My range picture was with a Kimber 1911 .45 at 35 feet.
One more and it's business time
You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.
How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?
You liked our secret mascot. Well done, Sherlock!
Today, my coworker friend told me she was going to the restroom. Soon after, I did the same. Once in the stall, I could smell a stench emanating from the next one. I yelled, "Ew, you stinky bitch" and sprayed air freshener under the partition. As I left the stall, my friend walked into the restroom. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML
Today, I went to court to file a small claim and found myself at the end of a huge line. The moment I got to the front of the line, the fire alarm went off and we all had to leave the building. The moment I got outside, the alarm stopped and everybody rushed back in. I'm at the back of the line. FML
Today, I went out in a storm to collect my wheelie bin, which had flown down the street. On the way back to my house, I realised my door had slammed shut and locked behind me. That's okay though, a trampoline decided to smash my window and let me in. FML
Today, some friends and I were pulled over on our way back from a party. We'd had a few drinks, so we tried to play it cool just in case we were over the limit. The cop didn't seem to want to breathalyze us, until my really high friend in the back seat said, "These are not the droids you are looking for." FML
Today, it was my first day as a vacuum salesman. While I was demonstrating how well it removed stains, I managed to smear stuff over the area I was cleaning. So not only was I unsuccessful in removing the original stains, I left them with worse carpet than when I got there. FML
Friday 26 June 2015