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Today, I cut down a dead tree in my yard. The top hit the ground and the base seesawed up in the air and came down on my head. I hit the ground like a sack of flour. Fortunately, the wood was rotted and soft. Unfortunately, the chainsaw was still running. 28 stitches in my calf. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66428) - you deserved it (9465)
On 05/10/2009 at 8:44am - misc - by Jopes (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I got rear-ended at a stoplight by a woman who had been doing her make-up while driving. She didn't get out to see if I was okay until she had finished perfectly applying both lipliner and gloss. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46337) - you deserved it (1550)
On 05/10/2009 at 5:56am - misc - by disturbed (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, while working my job as a cashier, one of the customers that came to the register was a midget. As part of store policy, I had to ID him, and his driver's license said he was from Florida. So I asked, without catching myself, "How's the weather down there?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (25773) - you deserved it (37270)
On 05/09/2009 at 10:05pm - work - by Failoffel (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19385) - you deserved it (61770)
On 05/09/2009 at 9:04pm - intimacy - by Jeremy (man) - United States (California)
Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26614) - you deserved it (62211)
On 05/09/2009 at 11:51am - intimacy - by notsexy (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I had to mow the lawn with a weedwacker because it rained a lot the past week and the push mower was broken. I started "mowing", and forgetting that I am mowing where the dogs go to the restroom, I absent-mindedly weedwack over dog poop. Which got flung into my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32357) - you deserved it (21318)
On 05/09/2009 at 11:50am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I had a massive argument with my boyfriend in which he called me stupid repeatedly. I stomped out of his house and sent a very angry text to my best friend about him. She didn't text back. Then my boyfriend texted. 'My girlfriend is so stupid she can't even text the right number.' FML
I agree, your life sucks (14060) - you deserved it (54969)
On 05/09/2009 at 11:48am - love - by rawkdinosawr (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I thought it would be funny if I put a 'Free if Hot-Wired' sign on my friend's car. I guess it worked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6122) - you deserved it (58929)
On 05/09/2009 at 12:18am - misc - by t-dawg (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I woke up and went into the bathroom and noticed a dark mass in the toilet. Thinking someone took a dump and didn't flush, I approached the toilet ready to dispose of it. That's when I noticed its whiskers and ears. It was a rat, and it was alive. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49834) - you deserved it (2657)
On 05/08/2009 at 11:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I found out that my husband named our daughter after his favorite porn star. FML
I agree, your life sucks (112279) - you deserved it (9395)
On 05/08/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by Oblivious (woman) - Kuwait
Today, I found my mother wandering the halls of my fraternity unescorted and asked why she was here, she told me she was concerned when I didn't pick up my phone for two days. She then informed me that she had also moved to the same city I live in. My mother moved over 600 miles to stalk me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48374) - you deserved it (3218)
On 05/07/2009 at 8:42pm - kids - by PetitPrincePerdu (man) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I had a phone interview with my potential new boss. I was getting excited about the prospects of landing a great job. I had nailed every question the man asked me and right after he told me he'll call me tomorrow if he wants me to come in I sweetly said, "Talk to you tomorrow, Love you" FML
I agree, your life sucks (18433) - you deserved it (41772)
On 05/07/2009 at 5:10pm - work - by jobless (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I found out that the guy i've been having sex with for over a month didn't know my name until today. No wonder he always ever called me 'baby.' FML
I agree, your life sucks (27441) - you deserved it (52262)
On 05/07/2009 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by ummPORQUE (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22428) - you deserved it (76611)
On 05/07/2009 at 10:45am - intimacy - by eeh (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML
I agree, your life sucks (84809) - you deserved it (16563)
On 05/06/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Familyskank (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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