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Today, just after getting off the phone with a girl I am interested in, I parked on campus and decided to eat my lunch in the car. As I was sitting there, she appeared out of nowhere and walked to her car. I was parked directly behind her car, sitting there like a creepy ass. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46272) - you deserved it (6907)
On 04/21/2009 at 8:44am - misc - by porkieworkie (man) - United States (Kansas)
Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML
I agree, your life sucks (30745) - you deserved it (75106)
On 04/21/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my mom made me clean. I was dusting in the living room and heard gunshots outside the apartment. I dove on the floor and started crying and screaming. My mom walked in and informed me that the sound was her making popcorn. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9991) - you deserved it (50970)
On 04/21/2009 at 1:20am - misc - by Chelsea (woman) - United States (Alabama)
Today, I got T-boned by a woman going 60 mph. I was unconscious for hours while a tube was inserted into my collapsed lung. Upon waking up my 16-year old brother thought it would be hilarious to yank out my leg hairs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (68898) - you deserved it (2269)
On 04/20/2009 at 1:53am - health - by robinhoood (man) - United States (California)
Today, I went to my new dentist and before he started looking at my teeth, I told him my previous dentist had never found a single thing wrong with my teeth. After looking around, he chuckled humourlessly and called my last dentist idiotic. I now have a $580 bill and a root canal next week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39263) - you deserved it (3567)
On 04/20/2009 at 1:20am - health - by Novocain (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, my mother called me downstairs to give me what I assumed was going to be "The Talk" (About four years too late). So she sits me down, holds my hands, and with the gentlest, most motherly expression on her face tells me, "Honey, if you ever come home pregnant, I'll kill you and the baby." FML
I agree, your life sucks (107409) - you deserved it (10687)
On 04/19/2009 at 10:09pm - health - by Litterbox (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58418) - you deserved it (5360)
On 04/19/2009 at 8:17pm - animals - by yuckspider (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was responsible for taking care of Hoppers, the rabbit belonging to my sons 3rd grade class. Tomorrow my son returns Hoppers so the next student can care for him. That won't be happening because Hoppers hopped out my 5th story window. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53994) - you deserved it (10184)
On 04/18/2009 at 5:12pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I went swinging with my friend at the park. Seeing a few cute guys playing basketball, I tried to act cute, laughing loudly and letting my hair fly all over the place. Just as they look over the swing broke. I fell on my face, my jeans sliding down, mooning them. They laughed hysterically. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33730) - you deserved it (3682)
On 04/18/2009 at 5:08pm - misc - by xxxdwangelaxxx (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my girlfriend left her phone on a bus. With no way to pick it up, I drove 40 miles through Friday night Boston traffic to get it from the bus company office. It took me four hours. Bored in traffic, I discovered the texts from her other boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (70074) - you deserved it (3733)
On 04/17/2009 at 7:15pm - misc - by Safe - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was home alone while my mom went out to dinner. I decided to hop in the shower, and I noticed my mom left her douche in there. After, I texted her telling her what I found and that it was gross. Her response? "It's not gross. It came from my vagina, like you and your sister." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39904) - you deserved it (16865)
On 04/16/2009 at 11:08pm - health - by duuuuude (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I was driving home from school, when I saw this girl I like walking home. Trying to be polite, I pulled over and asked if she wanted a ride. After my offer, I was rejected as she said "No, I'm actually already home," and walked up the nearest driveway... MY driveway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (67328) - you deserved it (4701)
On 04/16/2009 at 9:16pm - love - by Kelavmeister (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was petsitting for my neighbor's new puppy. A huge thunderstorm came, and the puppy started whining and shivering violently. I pulled it into my lap to try and comfort it. One loud clap of thunder later, and the puppy had explosive diarrhea all over me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (73404) - you deserved it (6235)
On 04/16/2009 at 5:36pm - misc - by Puppysit88 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I called the campus police "anonymously" while my roommate was away and told them about her weed stash because I was tired of her smoking in our room all the time. She had brought her weed to a friend's and got off scot-free. I have a hearing Monday for the adderall they found in my desk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18579) - you deserved it (89926)
On 04/16/2009 at 2:43pm - misc - by hatetheroommate (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)
Today, I finally hooked up with a guy I've been hanging out with for 2 months. Afterwards, while we're getting dressed he says "You better be clean. If you're not tell me now so I dont pass it on to my girlfriend." Stunned, all I could say was, "Girlfriend?!" His reply, "Well technically my fiancée." FML
I agree, your life sucks (61383) - you deserved it (9480)
On 04/15/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by oops123 - United States (Missouri)
Friday 24 May 2013
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