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Today, I went out with my family and boyfriend for dinner. We were all having a good time, and suddenly at the end of dinner he decides to kneel down on one knee, take out an engagement ring, and say "I choose you, Pikachu," with a straight face. He was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (98187) - you deserved it (23537)
On 09/04/2009 at 10:19pm - love - by mandy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was completely wasted at my bachelor party, and my friends thought it would be funny to put sodium nitrate on my penis. Sodium nitrate makes your skin dark purple for a couple of weeks. My wedding is next week and my fiancee has never seen me naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57868) - you deserved it (16768)
On 07/02/2009 at 2:32am - intimacy - by purpledick (man) - Mexico (Nuevo Leon)
Today, I was on the phone with a prospective blind date. He asked me to describe myself so I said that I was fun, attractive and a little chubby but not fat. My 7 year old sister walked up to me and screamed "Jesus doesn't like it when we lie!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (42640) - you deserved it (10475)
On 06/15/2009 at 3:11pm - love - by apparentlyugly (woman) - United States
Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML
I agree, your life sucks (37590) - you deserved it (5195)
On 06/15/2009 at 1:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I finally got a chance to try out my vibrator. I've never orgasmed before with a guy, so I thought there was no hope until my friend gave me the vibrator for my birthday. It was going amazing, better than sex. I was literally 2 seconds away from climaxing when the battery suddenly died. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63429) - you deserved it (11961)
On 06/15/2009 at 7:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I introduced my ex-wife to my new girlfriend. They got along so well that my new girlfriend is going to my ex-wife's house tonight "just to hang out". FML
I agree, your life sucks (40220) - you deserved it (16789)
On 06/13/2009 at 6:35am - love - by Michael (man) - United States (West Virginia)
Today, I was helping an old man find a pair of shoes. I told him about a particularly comfortable pair but had to inform him that they only came in black or white. Hearing this, the old man grabbed me around the neck and began to beat me in the head with our display shoe. He wanted brown. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60884) - you deserved it (2762)
On 06/12/2009 at 1:33am - work - by Shoes (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I discovered that my fiancé had tried to fake his own death because he thought it would be easier than confessing to the affair he was having. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58520) - you deserved it (2570)
On 06/12/2009 at 12:41am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (81398) - you deserved it (15222)
On 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm - misc - by NoBalls (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I walked into the bathroom and found my sister cleaning her vibrator. With my toothbrush. FML
I agree, your life sucks (99542) - you deserved it (5188)
On 06/09/2009 at 12:18pm - intimacy - by quadropheniac (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30940) - you deserved it (276598)
On 06/07/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, after masturbating in the shower, I heard my phone go off outside the bathroom. After my mom saw me get my phone to check my messages she said "I think you're addicted to that", to which I said "but it feels so good and every guy does it." She was talking about how I text people a lot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9769) - you deserved it (55415)
On 06/07/2009 at 2:47am - intimacy - by Jon (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was at a bar. A fat guy looks at me for a while and sits down next to me. He turns and I expect that he'll hit on me. He then buttons down his shirt, presses his man boobs together and say to his friends “Look, I’ve got bigger tits than than the girl next to me!" His friends agreed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49751) - you deserved it (3837)
On 06/05/2009 at 4:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Staden Kobenhavn)
Today, I came home from work when I heard people in my apartment. My apartment was supposed to be empty, so I entered ready to fight some thieves. I rushed in and hit the closest person to me before the lights switched on. It was a surprise party. I broke my girlfriend's cheek-bone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42742) - you deserved it (13618)
On 06/03/2009 at 10:15am - misc - by Kyokushin (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I hooked up with a girl from the bar. We went back to my place and started making out, I took off her shirt and bra and started kissing her breasts. I felt her chest hair tickle my tongue. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52684) - you deserved it (19763)
On 06/03/2009 at 2:06am - intimacy - by galen (man) - United States (Texas)
Monday 17 June 2013
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