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MrToeKnee

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MrToeKnee

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 117
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About MrToeKnee : I am a gamer and a PC techy. I can be pretty awesome but also a very quiet person. I like to observe.

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MrToeKnee's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML

#20698637
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65706) - you deserved it (18730)

On 06/01/2013 at 1:09am - intimacy - by Samprib (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML

#20695159
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63138) - you deserved it (5068)

On 05/30/2013 at 12:29pm - kids - by life insurance for 1 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while at the movies, I had an uncomfortable amount of gas that I couldn't hold in any longer. I waited for a loud part in the movie to conceal it and took my chance. Problem was, the loud part ended abruptly. I didn't. FML

Today, while walking home with my boyfriend, he jokingly slapped my butt. A man as old as my dad drove by, yelled "Wooo, spank that ass! DAMN!" and kept leering at me before finally driving off. FML

#20668938
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40960) - you deserved it (5095)

On 05/17/2013 at 12:16pm - misc - by jessinono (woman) - United States

Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML

#20642182
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51158) - you deserved it (4438)

On 05/05/2013 at 12:14am - work - by ADickySituation - United States (Illinois)

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

#20640565
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67289) - you deserved it (9923)

On 05/04/2013 at 8:51am - kids - by wtfmama (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with my sister, due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about butt fucking. FML

#20624720
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49823) - you deserved it (4698)

On 04/27/2013 at 8:42am - health - by seekerglow176 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the Joker for the same convention. FML

#20587443
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60642) - you deserved it (20251)

On 04/13/2013 at 1:04am - misc - by ironies a b*tch - United States (Illinois)

Today, I uploaded a cute photo of my boyfriend and me on Facebook. Ten minutes later, his friend commented: "Dude! You're supposed to capture the Snorlax, not date it!" FML

#20587403
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48170) - you deserved it (13763)

On 04/13/2013 at 12:25am - love - by Snorlax (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my halitosis was so bad that when I blew onto my solution in chemistry class, it reacted. FML

#20582010
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30056) - you deserved it (9703) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/09/2013 at 6:29am - health - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I shaved my pubic area for my fiancé. He told me it looked "like Frodo tried to hack off Gandalf's beard with Gimli's ax." FML

Today, I was lost in a foreign city so I asked a girl for directions. She replied, "Directions? ONE DIRECTION!" and started screaming in my face and jumping around. FML

#20572868
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43154) - you deserved it (5211)

On 04/03/2013 at 5:17am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

#20558527
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31295) - you deserved it (5897)

On 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anna L. - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML

#20417691
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55561) - you deserved it (9873)

On 12/23/2012 at 11:55pm - intimacy - by Saradee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had an unbearable itch on my foot that I could not make go away with my nails, so I grabbed the stapler in my drawer to scratch it with. Bad idea. FML

#19724676
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5252) - you deserved it (42521)

On 06/03/2012 at 1:50am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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