MrPortalFan

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MrPortalFan

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 951
  • Number of comments : 105
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 5 posted

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MrPortalFan's page activity

Visits<b>noah_1234</b> - the 04/11/2016 at 3:22am<b>mystam4</b> - the 04/08/2016 at 10:40pm<b>ciaraash</b> - the 04/07/2016 at 7:08pm<b>valerie_273</b> - the 04/06/2016 at 12:08pm<b>ARetardedSeal</b> - the 12/21/2015 at 4:42am<b>stargazer091</b> - the 10/28/2014 at 8:13am<b>wondercat40</b> - the 05/22/2014 at 10:51pm<b>markcallanan_</b> - the 05/12/2014 at 1:46pm<b>Javier6597</b> - the 02/18/2014 at 2:43am<b>alexmac222</b> - the 02/02/2014 at 2:43am<b>Despereaux</b> - the 02/01/2014 at 12:32am<b>aga929</b> - the 02/01/2014 at 12:11am<b>avoree</b> - the 02/01/2014 at 12:00am<b>miiapaige</b> - the 01/12/2014 at 9:54am<b>Iwtumn</b> - the 08/17/2013 at 11:06am<b>Heaven121313</b> - the 08/09/2013 at 3:00am<b>KazuTrumpet1512</b> - the 08/09/2013 at 2:32am<b>avel427</b> - the 08/08/2013 at 6:41pm

MrPortalFan's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of MrPortalFan's badges

MrPortalFan's favorite FMLs

Today, I confronted my very passive-aggressive roommate about taking out the trash. With a smug smile, she insisted that I should write her a letter if I want to argue. FML

by Upfront / 04/06/2016 at 1:19am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML

by Gassy / 09/21/2015 at 10:45am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, going through my late grandmother's papers, I found out that my grandfather had never been in the Nazi party. The reason he was not allowed to work as a teacher was that he had never passed his university exams. He found an invented Nazi past less shameful than academic failure. FML

by notanazigrandchildafterall / 09/21/2015 at 7:32am / Germany (Sachsen) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up from the most sensual dream I've had in months. Unfortunately, despite it being better than any action I've had in a long time, the dream was about me fucking a donut. FML

by Anonymous / 08/18/2015 at 9:26am / United States (New Hampshire) / Intimacy

Today, my drill sergeant was yelling at me and asking me questions. I got a question wrong, and he asked me if I am a "Shit Sandwich". I replied "Yes sir, with extra cheese." I'm running miles till the day I die. FML

by BarhydtBran / 08/17/2015 at 9:55pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, after hearing the doctor saying my girlfriend can never be pregnant, I got a bit too excited. I'm currently on the 5th hour of the silent treatment. FML

by Anonymous / 08/17/2015 at 4:33am / United States / Health

Today, my 12-year-old sister watched Frozen. She's spent the last two hours playing the song Let It Go on high volume over and over, and in different languages. I now have a skull-splitting headache, and my dad just sarcastically told me to "let it go". FML

by fuckyouharddad / 04/15/2014 at 3:24pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I was in the process of finally losing my virginity. Part-way through, my neighbour started shouting from his backyard, "Go, Nicolas! You can do it!" He was talking to his son, but the two of us have the same name. I couldn't finish. FML

by prochainefois / 01/31/2014 at 4:05pm / Intimacy

Today, I accidentally punched myself in the mouth while eating a Go-Gurt. I was eating it because I'd just had my wisdom teeth removed. FML

by GogurtBadass / 09/18/2013 at 12:55pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, I was on drive-thru where I work. Our policy is that we can give free treats to dogs that come through. A woman came in and I noticed her dog. Without a thought, I grabbed a treat and asked if her dog wanted one. I looked again. The 'dog' was her daughter. FML

by Treats For Days / 07/19/2013 at 9:54am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, while wiping my ass, the broken finger that has been set straight dipped into the toilet and touched a turd. This keeps happening since I broke it, and I'm sure it will again. FML

by broken finger / 07/18/2013 at 4:53pm / United States / Health

Today, I called a tree removal company to have my diseased elm removed. When I got home from work, I was surprised to find it still there. Not as surprised as my neighbor was to discover that his tree was missing, nor as surprised as his children when they saw there was no more tree-house. FML

by Anonymous / 07/18/2013 at 10:38am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, while on the airplane, the cute girl next to me and I instantly hit it off. When I excused myself to the bathroom, I must have given her the wrong impression. She wanted to join the mile high club; I just wanted to take a crap. FML

by mile high clubber / 07/14/2013 at 6:41am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation

Today, my husband wanted to try anal for the first time. His attempt to sound romantic was him saying, "Open your buns, the meat is ready." FML

by hamburger / 07/06/2013 at 5:21pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML

by halliemarie1818 / 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm / United States / Animals