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About MrConcise : ►► FML's Self-Proclaimed Resident Smartass Pseudointellectual
Though our troubles and woes are relentless and unforgiving, we may rejoice as we rekindle one another's flames to familiar vibrancy; we burn brightest with the strength of unity.
The internet is slowly turning me into a SJW, smack me if I ever defend the right to practice cannibalism due to the nutritional benefits of a human-only diet.
Stop researching cures to STDs and start researching cures to Resting Bitch Face Syndrome!
I'm that guy who can't let go of an argument if you say something idiotic. Thank you, mods.
Pretty sure I love K. Flay. "Frightened cuz I got a lot of people counting on me, and I'm talking like an asshole, walking like a zombie."
One more and it's business time
You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML
Today, I woke up to an old lady right outside my open window, saying "Hello in there! Are you sleepy?" I was so startled that I answered her. She screamed. Turns out she's my neighbour's elderly mother, didn't know I was in there, and was talking to my cat. FML
Today, as I was picking up my 5-year-old brother from school, he hugged a girl from his class to say goodbye. His classmate's mom and I looked at each other, thinking it was adorable, until my brother decided to dry hump the side of his classmate's thigh. FML
Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML
Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML
Thursday 23 April 2015