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Mortoli

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Mortoli

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 20 January 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 487
  • Number of comments : 146
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Mortoli : Mostly a loner. But love gaming and anime. Fluke Mortoli ps3 name.

Mortoli's page activity

Visits<b>Nolanation97</b> - yesterday at 6:58am<b>LadyLelan</b> - the 09/29/2014 at 8:27am<b>stronghand0331</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 2:55pm<b>dzhonatan</b> - the 09/25/2014 at 1:17am<b>vertencar</b> - the 09/24/2014 at 4:52pm<b>dragonrider1959</b> - the 09/23/2014 at 9:04pm<b>buckdharma</b> - the 09/22/2014 at 1:32pm<b>superamericankr</b> - the 09/21/2014 at 6:49pm<b>firefighterwife</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 2:04pm<b>guskta</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 10:44am<b>bmolover57</b> - the 09/04/2014 at 10:18pm<b>ShadowVapor</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 4:36pm<b>ButterflyHaze</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 7:47pm<b>RaspberryFlower</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 4:33am<b>SystemofaBlink41</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 8:14pm<b>buonotomato</b> - the 06/27/2014 at 6:02pm<b>SingingWolf</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 5:46pm<b>JJ_86</b> - the 06/09/2014 at 5:25pm

Liked!<b>bmolover57</b> - the 09/05/2014 at 4:18am

Mortoli's FML badges

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It’s in the can

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50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

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Mortoli's favorite FMLs

Today, I asked my 12-year-old son what he wanted for his birthday. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "A whore." FML

#21265910
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33483) - you deserved it (5290)

On 09/26/2014 at 5:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML

#21262317
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36136) - you deserved it (5398)

On 09/21/2014 at 7:27am - intimacy - by Sinnersinner - United States (California)

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML

#21262210
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35490) - you deserved it (9241)

On 09/21/2014 at 1:11am - intimacy - by RuinedTheMood (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went with a couple of my friends to see a friend who's fallen very ill. Her dad walked in with a gun and demanded to know which of us had gotten his daughter pregnant. By the time I realized it was a joke, I'd already pissed myself. FML

#21261205
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33995) - you deserved it (4376)

On 09/19/2014 at 11:30am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I was going for my morning walk, when a guy in a massive truck drove up beside me, with a kid no more than 4 riding shotgun. I lost my faith in humanity when his tiny voice yelled through the window, "Nice ass!" FML

#21257417
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40160) - you deserved it (4396)

On 09/13/2014 at 10:39am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had an important oral report to deliver with a partner. Not only did he come in late and high, he pronounced Virginia as "Vagina" the whole way through. FML

#21257414
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35710) - you deserved it (3140)

On 09/13/2014 at 10:36am - misc - by Jamestown of Vagina (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, at the restaurant where I work, a guest choked on a bone from her crosscut ribs. She asked me to bring the manager over, so I did. When he got there, she complained that the bone could have seriously injured her, and we should be more careful of where we put the bones in the ribs. FML

#21256772
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39018) - you deserved it (2555)

On 09/12/2014 at 4:05am - work - by Diachronic (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I won a gruelling fitness competition, only to find out the mystery prize was a voucher to get 10 free spray tans. I'm black. FML

#21249089
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46771) - you deserved it (3795)

On 08/31/2014 at 2:44pm - misc - by disappointedjamaican - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, my professor told everyone that he thinks all med students should be required to get a catheter and an enema at least once in their lives so they can relate to their patients, saying, "Gentlemen, it might change your lives." FML

#21236595
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33862) - you deserved it (5756)

On 08/13/2014 at 11:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML

Today, I found a piece of erotic fiction on my brother's computer. It involved two lesbian teenagers, who just so happened to have the same names and physical descriptions as my sister and me. FML

#21233221
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42675) - you deserved it (3784)

On 08/09/2014 at 11:43am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, due to a hammer-related incident, instead of receiving glass ornaments as gifts from my trip to Venice, my friends will be receiving novelty postcards of Michelangelo's David's penis. FML

Today, I had a rough day and was extremely tired. I took a nap on the couch, and woke up to a guy robbing my house. I pretended I was still sleeping, waiting a chance to grab him or run out safely. I ended up falling back asleep. FML

#21219246
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41538) - you deserved it (21378)

On 07/24/2014 at 11:59am - misc - by FML - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take me out on a date. He doesn't have a car, but he said he'd borrow transport from his neighbor. He showed up at my house on a ride-on lawn mower. FML

#21213104
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46777) - you deserved it (6627)

On 07/18/2014 at 4:21pm - love - by Lisa (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was at my grandma's funeral. While giving the eulogy, I accidentally mixed up "You will be missed" and "You won't be forgotten" and instead said "You won't be missed." FML

#21212849
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42361) - you deserved it (6827)

On 07/18/2014 at 12:30pm - misc - by familyhatesme - United States (Washington)



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