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Mortoli

Offline (the 08/24/2015 at 10:02am) | Search for a member

Mortoli

4Fucked!

MortoliMortoli
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 19 January 1994 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3845
  • Number of comments : 292
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Mortoli : Mostly a loner. But love gaming and anime. I am a security guard. if you ever see a tall guy with headphones in his ears probably me listening to rock. Or techno or X-ray dog. And if you ever wanna chat I'm always up to it. I'm on fml almost daily. I'm always waiting for next persons story.

Mortoli's page activity

Visits<b>Pinkiss</b> - the 08/25/2015 at 1:43pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 08/22/2015 at 3:18pm<b>Hop6e</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 8:14pm<b>UH60</b> - the 08/15/2015 at 11:02pm<b>MaltWarrior</b> - the 08/15/2015 at 8:51pm<b>BlueScales</b> - the 08/11/2015 at 7:40pm<b>RealSuperSand</b> - the 08/09/2015 at 11:03am<b>Marshmallowjello</b> - the 08/08/2015 at 2:36pm<b>saffy66</b> - the 08/08/2015 at 4:06am<b>jaydoug92</b> - the 08/06/2015 at 1:39pm<b>Psyches</b> - the 08/04/2015 at 9:32am<b>43bubba34</b> - the 07/31/2015 at 12:36pm<b>kukumber</b> - the 07/31/2015 at 10:01am<b>martin8337</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 6:39am<b>rnarshmallow</b> - the 07/29/2015 at 11:31pm<b>oldmanringo</b> - the 07/29/2015 at 6:15pm<b>Karennnx</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 4:38pm<b>sturschaedel</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 1:42am

Fucked!<b>Hop6e</b> - the 08/20/2015 at 2:14am<b>missmoschner</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 5:24pm<b>xoreggie</b> - the 10/21/2014 at 8:11am<b>bmolover57</b> - the 09/05/2014 at 4:18am

Mortoli's FML badges

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

See all of Mortoli's badges

Mortoli's favorite FMLs

Today, after nearly 2 years, my now ex-girlfriend decided she was ready to have sex. Specifically, sex with my dad. FML

#21459616
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26373) - you deserved it (1575)

On 08/23/2015 at 9:45am - love - by pontwa (man) - Australia

Today, even after explaining to my boyfriend that I was self conscious about my breasts because they're slightly misshaped, he still persisted with begging me for a tit pic, saying he would still see me as beautiful. I gave in and sent one. He responded with "LOL WHAT ARE THOOOOOOSSSEE." FML

#21459438
163 comments

Today, I came home from a stay at my girlfriend's place. My little brother stepped on my bag and accidentally switched my vibrator on. I told him the buzzing sound was my electric toothbrush. He went to the bathroom and came back with the toothbrush. He won't stop asking what's in my bag. FML

Today, I woke up early for work. Had my coffee, finished up a report and headed out of my house. Not only was the office closed today, but the silent alarm was on, which is triggered by a door opening even if you use a key. I was startled by the cops searching the building, ran, and got tazed. FML

#21459236
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20090) - you deserved it (5784)

On 08/22/2015 at 8:21am - work - by BryanTazed - United States (Virginia)

Today, I woke up from a dream in which my girlfriend gave birth to a litter of puppies. I can't even look at her now without getting nauseous. FML

#21459180
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22326) - you deserved it (2720)

On 08/22/2015 at 3:30am - animals - by yooitscallo (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was putting the cat outside. He wouldn't go, so I kicked him. Then I woke up to my husband screaming. I’d been dreaming, and the "cat" I kicked was his family jewels. FML

#21458762
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21962) - you deserved it (7962)

On 08/21/2015 at 4:33am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML

#21458335
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21690) - you deserved it (2174)

On 08/20/2015 at 2:02am - love - by Catsfordays - United States (California)

Today, I learned that it's possible to get hit by a bird while bungee jumping. FML

#21458053
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20584) - you deserved it (1785)

On 08/19/2015 at 1:44pm - misc - by SebastianCT - United States (Florida)

Today, as I was driving, a bird swooped down, right in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to react, and so I had to listen to my wife cry the rest of the way home. She kept talking about how it bounced off the windshield and how it probably had a family. FML

#21456098
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23096) - you deserved it (2592)

On 08/14/2015 at 6:40pm - animals - by Wellthisishawkward - United States

Today, a woman who works in the clinic across the road told me that my glass isn't frosted enough and she and all her patients can see me when I shower. FML

#21455668
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20936) - you deserved it (2552)

On 08/13/2015 at 5:10pm - intimacy - by theflasher (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, I learnt the meaning of the phrase "ménage à trois". I had always thought it was synonymous with "fiasco" and have used it several times in essays. FML

Today, I met my wife's mistress, at the maternity ward in the hospital, after she gave birth to our second child. FML

#21451505
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23056) - you deserved it (1929)

On 08/03/2015 at 9:28pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Alaska)

Today, on my second day at my new job, a customer called my manager with a complaint about me. He said I put the cheese "upside down" on his sandwich, and that made it taste bad. FML

Today, my step-sister told me that she was getting married to her girlfriend next summer. At a big family brunch, I made a toast to their marriage. I didn't know that my step-mom didn't know they were dating in the first place, or that she was severely homophobic. FML

#21448362
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26976) - you deserved it (3999)

On 07/28/2015 at 1:02am - misc - by anon - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML

#21448078
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24766) - you deserved it (2462)

On 07/27/2015 at 2:55pm - love - by Afroman720 (man) - United States



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