About Mortoli : Mostly a loner. But love gaming and anime. I am a security guard. if you ever see a tall guy with headphones in his ears probably me listening to rock. Or techno or X-ray dog. And if you ever wanna chat I'm always up to it. I'm on fml almost daily. I'm always waiting for next persons story.
Mortoli's FML badges
A new Thumb
You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
I never take things to heart
Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.
You sure know how to party?
You posted a comment on the 31st of December between 11pm and 1am. Happy New Year!
Mortoli's favorite FMLs
Today, I got the wristbands in the mail for a music festival in a month and a half. This is my first time going to an event like this and I got overzealous and put it on. Now it's locked tightly on my wrist. I checked online after and it said not to put it on before you arrive at the event. FML
by warrior1995 / 05/14/2016 at 3:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/02/2016 at 12:17am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
Today, my dad got drunk and decided to fix everything in the house he thought was broken. Now the oven won't cook, half the floorboards from the stairs are piled in the garden, we put the TV back together but now it is stuck on mute, and we still have no idea where he has put my bedroom door. FML
by bob the builders pissed off daughter / 12/29/2015 at 6:52pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was getting my picture taken with my mom and grandma for a portrait. I said it was going to be beautiful when it was done, with three generations of our family in it. My grandma said that would be true, if I weren't adopted. FML
by GraceWaldorf93 / 12/03/2015 at 11:45am / Belize (Belize) / Miscellaneous
by turtles_yup / 12/03/2015 at 12:50am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Makusu420 / 12/02/2015 at 7:44pm / United States (California) / Money
Today, a police officer pulled me over. He asked me where I was headed, so I jokingly replied, "Probably to jail after you run my name". He laughed and took my information, only to then arrest me for unpaid parking tickets I never received. FML
by Nightbird827 / 12/02/2015 at 9:34am / Miscellaneous
by Dark_Cecilia / 12/01/2015 at 5:53pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by ujellybro234 / 12/01/2015 at 11:52am / United States (Michigan) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/19/2015 at 12:49am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was so tired when I got home from work, I took off my bra without removing my shirt which I've done so often it is second nature. I successfully removed the bra, then snagged the clasp on a loose shirt thread, causing my bra to take on a life of its own and slap me in the face. FML
by fryebaby623 / 11/13/2015 at 12:47am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Potato_Lord / 11/11/2015 at 11:11pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Transportation
by cassieleigh1 / 11/05/2015 at 12:05am / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
Today, at my prestigious sous chef job, I was preparing to plate up expensive entrees for a function of 150 people. After arriving to work 2 hours early to finalize finishing touches, they call the restaurant 5 minutes before their booking stating, 'We can't be bothered anymore, sorry.' FML
by Chefinblack / 10/19/2015 at 6:13pm / Australia / Work
- Today, I had my new girlfriend over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, my dad started poking her… Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not… Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!"…