Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About Mornai : I've been here for years. My name's James, and I'll always see the good in you even if you don't want me to.
I am a calm and passive person, but everyone has their limits.
I am afraid of heights.
I am always in high spirits.
I am somewhat shy.
I am often told i look much younger than i truly am.
I am the person who would push on in a zombie apocalypse even if I'm the only one left alive.
I don't get sick often, but when i do it really sucks.
I can't swim, and almost drowned because of that.
I may laugh if i see you fall, but I'll always be there to pull you up.
I don't know when to give up, for better or worse.
Message me if you want to, though I might bore you.
I have Kik if you would prefer that, and facebook(though I don't use that often) just ask. =)
“And if your friend does evil to you, say to him, 'I forgive you for what you did to me, but how can I forgive you for what you did to yourself?'”
The Thumb returns
You have thumbed 5000 comments.
The Thumb strikes back
You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Today, I used a restroom. While doing my thing, the power in my building completely went out. There was another person in the restroom making demonic noises and scratching at my stall. When the power came back on, he was gone. I think I'm being haunted. FML
Today, I spent five hours in the ER with my 75-year-old grandma. Why? Because she attacked an old lady and punched a nurse in the face, kicked him in the balls, and jumped on his back and choked him. She had five guards holding her down and is now convinced they are trying to kill her. FML
Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. When I didn't get off right away, he asked what he was doing wrong. I told him he was doing fine, but instead of focusing only on my vagina, he might want to pay attention to my clitoris as well. His response? "What's a clitoris?" FML
Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML
Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. 20 minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML
Friday 7 March 2014