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Morenita95

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Morenita95

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  • Number of visits : 54
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Morenita95's favorite FMLs

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

#21228111
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49169) - you deserved it (21252)

On 08/03/2014 at 1:16am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was at the beach with a group of friends, including the guy I like. As soon as we got to the beach, I ran toward the water and he chased after me. It was a beautiful moment until I looked back at him, tripped, fell on my face and slid down the beach. FML

#21224233
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38618) - you deserved it (6351)

On 07/29/2014 at 10:36pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML

#21217858
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35158) - you deserved it (11506)

On 07/22/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by Face fucking palm - United States (Georgia)

Today, after a power outage at my house, my 14-year-old brother was genuinely confused as to why our flashlights still worked if we had no electricity. FML

#21200603
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42492) - you deserved it (3937)

On 07/06/2014 at 2:04pm - misc - by idiot bro (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I gave up trying to make any friends at my job as a firefighter. I'm the lone female, and am the subject of gossip with the older men. Anyone I try to befriend ends up hitting on me, while others won't even talk to me because their wives are jealous. FML

#21159616
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48888) - you deserved it (5166)

On 06/01/2014 at 5:53pm - work - by anikah (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I climbed into bed with my sleeping boyfriend after a long shift at work. He immediately rolled over, clamped my leg between his knees, and started viciously humping it. This is the fourth time now, and he still doesn't believe that he even does it. FML

#21154464
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46686) - you deserved it (5600)

On 05/28/2014 at 10:21am - love - by needanotherbed - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, I accidentally ripped out my boyfriend's insulin pump while trying to give him a lapdance. FML

#21148769
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48326) - you deserved it (15190)

On 05/22/2014 at 10:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, my guide dog sneezed so hard that it slammed its head on the floor and knocked itself out. I have to trust this dog with my life. FML

#21117679
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51601) - you deserved it (4523)

On 04/20/2014 at 12:03am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)

Today, I was in a market in France, and went to ask the seller for some potatoes. I speak fluent French, but I got flustered and instead of saying "pomme de terre", which is the French for potato, I said "pomme de merde". I literally asked for an "apple of shit". FML

Today, my boss's obese bully of a grandson had a seizure. Being the only physician around, I had to rush in to tend to him. Except it wasn't a seizure as such. My daughter had found my taser and used it on him. FML

#20971381
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45833) - you deserved it (4827)

On 11/26/2013 at 2:05pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was escorted out of a grocery store for beating my boyfriend with a block of cheese. FML

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML

#20698637
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65706) - you deserved it (18728)

On 06/01/2013 at 1:09am - intimacy - by Samprib (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my cat learned how to open doors. Ever since then she's been running up to my room, opening my door, and running away. My cat is playing ding-dong ditch. FML

#20559057
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33268) - you deserved it (4468)

On 03/25/2013 at 3:18am - animals - by Apes (woman) - United States (California)

Today, Target asked me if I would do the closing announcement. I've only been working there a little while, so excited I agreed. I told people, "The store is now closing, thank you for shopping at Walmart." FML

#19088946
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15801) - you deserved it (29168)

On 02/15/2012 at 9:03pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML

#15356314
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18224) - you deserved it (82868)

On 03/17/2011 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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