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Monster27's FML badges
The Thumb returns
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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Monster27's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 02/13/2013 at 7:00pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Money
Today, while waiting for my order at a restaurant, a woman walked up to me and slapped me. She looked at me for a moment and said "Sorry, I thought you were someone else." Ten minutes later, the same woman came back and slapped me again. FML
by Target / 02/11/2013 at 8:42pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on a date with a very cute girl. It went well, until I accidentally called the blueberries in her dessert Oran Berries. I sheepishly explained that they're a berry from the Pokémon universe, at which point she excused herself, never to return. FML
by Brock / 02/02/2013 at 4:20pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love
by Anonymous / 02/02/2013 at 9:41am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, while trucking, I got stuck in traffic on a congested highway. After 15 minutes of mind-numbing boredom, I glanced down at the car beside me, only to witness the driver changing her tampon and flicking the old one onto the highway. I can't unsee this. FML
by thoughtidseenitall / 02/01/2013 at 8:01pm / United States (Colorado) / Transportation
Today, I went to buy a birthday present for my boyfriend. While buying him a sweater, the cashier tried to up-sale me by asking if my boyfriend wore briefs or boxers, because both were on sale. Not thinking, I blurted out, "I don't know, they just come off." FML
by awkwardturtle / 01/25/2013 at 12:31am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a slap and then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML
by ashbeat / 01/01/2013 at 10:20am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML
by valnaj1 / 12/24/2012 at 10:03pm / Denmark (Syddanmark) / Intimacy
by MiscHats / 12/14/2012 at 7:28am / Australia (Victoria) / Transportation
by MoreActionThanMe / 12/10/2012 at 7:04pm / United States / Animals
Today, I was snooping around in my parents' closet to see what I would get for Christmas, when I came across a UPS package. It was the video game I ordered off eBay 3 weeks ago, addressed to me. They told me it had never arrived and said I should ask Santa to bring it to me. FML
by Anonymous / 12/08/2012 at 12:44am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/06/2012 at 11:49pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
Today, I was enjoying a nice bath, when one of my cats jumped up on the rim and started purring. I thought it was sweet, until my other cat ran in and body-slammed the first into the tub with me. Being a conscientious cat owner, I hadn't de-clawed them. FML
by Neutered / 11/27/2012 at 2:52pm / United States (Alaska) / Animals
Today, my long-distance boyfriend and I decided to be a bit naughty on Skype. It was 3am so we assumed that my dad was asleep and did some dirty talk. When we were done, I heard my dad laughing outside my room; he'd heard it all. FML
by Anonymous / 11/19/2012 at 10:19pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…