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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Monstarred

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Monstarred
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 4103
  • Number of comments : 35
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Monstarred's favorite FMLs

Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML

#3146320 (459)

I agree, your life sucks (137087) - you deserved it (19620)

On 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm - kids - by ....... (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I got prostate examination for the first time. Now I can't decide what's worse, the fact that I got a boner when the doc inserted his finger, or the fact that my wife told the story to pretty much everybody we know. FML

#2715001 (256)

I agree, your life sucks (56566) - you deserved it (4518)

On 06/08/2009 at 9:48am - intimacy - by prostate (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML

#2422362 (72)

I agree, your life sucks (40161) - you deserved it (2912)

On 05/30/2009 at 1:04am - animals - by mraow123 (man) - United States

Today, while the kid I was babysitting was in the bathroom, he called to me "I need some help in here." Worried I ran to the bathroom and asked him what was wrong. He needed me to wipe his butt. As if that weren't gross enough, just as my hand was under his butt, he pooped again and laughed. FML

#2421163 (139)

I agree, your life sucks (48376) - you deserved it (4036)

On 05/30/2009 at 12:24am - kids - by sdasdflkjas (woman) - United States

Today, I tried to imitate Mary Poppins by jumping off a shed with an umbrella. I spent the next 3 hours in the emergency room. My leg is broken. FML

#2418263 (459)

I agree, your life sucks (10991) - you deserved it (140110)

On 05/29/2009 at 11:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!". FML

#2045344 (155)

I agree, your life sucks (57818) - you deserved it (5878)

On 05/18/2009 at 8:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, I realised that my glade plug-in air freshner lasts longer than any of my relationships have. FML

#1956453 (112)

I agree, your life sucks (40040) - you deserved it (6803)

On 05/15/2009 at 2:14am - love - by heartless (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I scored two prime baseball tickets from a supplier at work. I phoned my dad to tell him the good news. He said that's great, my brother and him would love to see the game. I said, no, I'm taking you to the game. He told me I was being selfish and hung up the phone. FML

#1926739 (174)

I agree, your life sucks (51994) - you deserved it (1603)

On 05/14/2009 at 10:17am - misc - by Hank (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my friend had to take my cat who has a tumor to be put down when I wasn't home since I couldn't bare to take him myself. I have two cats. He took the wrong one. FML

#1815627 (145)

I agree, your life sucks (268283) - you deserved it (32435)

On 05/10/2009 at 3:01pm - animals - by catlady (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML

#1704585 (141)

I agree, your life sucks (51536) - you deserved it (1673)

On 05/06/2009 at 9:43pm - misc - by Gumfanatic302 (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was home alone while my mom went out to dinner. I decided to hop in the shower, and I noticed my mom left her douche in there. After, I texted her telling her what I found and that it was gross. Her response? "It's not gross. It came from my vagina, like you and your sister." FML

#1040917 (185)

I agree, your life sucks (38601) - you deserved it (16283)

On 04/16/2009 at 11:08pm - health - by duuuuude (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML

#800425 (328)

I agree, your life sucks (187573) - you deserved it (9388)

On 04/04/2009 at 2:15pm - intimacy - by GuitarChick42 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily. I decided to take a nap and apparently ended up sleeping with my mouth wide open since breathing was an issue. I woke up to my boyfriend trying to put his penis in my mouth. FML

#632473 (205)

I agree, your life sucks (122375) - you deserved it (22237)

On 03/26/2009 at 9:45pm - intimacy - by coughandcold (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 11 year old brother walked in on me sitting on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back massage. He tilted his head a little and then said "Aren't you guys doing it wrong? Isn't he supposed to be on top?" My boyfriend laughed and gave him a high-five. FML

#560138 (281)

I agree, your life sucks (78265) - you deserved it (22335)

On 03/23/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by SLA (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I texted my boyfriend to see if he wanted to finally have sex today. His response was "Can't, Platinum just came out." I didn't know what that meant so I searched "Platinum 3-22-2009" on Google. I found out he's talking about a new Pokemon game. FML

#542382 (453)

I agree, your life sucks (93984) - you deserved it (14505)

On 03/22/2009 at 10:15pm - intimacy - by thisreallysucks2 (woman) - United States (California)