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Monstarred

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Monstarred

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 4380
  • Number of comments : 41
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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Monstarred's favorite FMLs

Today, I sat awkwardly and pretended like I didn't notice my cousin discreetly trying to masturbate while talking to me. This isn't the first time anything like this has happened. FML

#19956706
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32803) - you deserved it (3270)

On 07/18/2012 at 10:15pm - intimacy - by Awkward - United States (California)

Today, I was getting changed in front of my room mate of two years. Feeling comfortable, I took off all my clothes and started putting new clothes on. I asked why she wasn't taking her eyes off my naked body. She said "I'm loving the view. Didn't you know I'm a lesbian?" FML

#5094881
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19975) - you deserved it (52780)

On 09/07/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by EyesOffMe (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, in the midst of foreplay, this girl tells me I am so hot, I respond "Ditto." She heatedly responds "I love ditto," to which I suavely reply "I didn't know you were into Pokémon. That may make you even sexier." She knows nothing about Pokémon, but I sure know how to kill the mood. FML

#3971030
317 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17140) - you deserved it (68379)

On 07/23/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by MitchFail (man) - United States

Today, I got prostate examination for the first time. Now I can't decide what's worse, the fact that I got a boner when the doc inserted his finger, or the fact that my wife told the story to pretty much everybody we know. FML

#2715001
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66255) - you deserved it (6330)

On 06/08/2009 at 9:48am - intimacy - by prostate (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML

#2422362
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47422) - you deserved it (4107)

On 05/30/2009 at 1:04am - animals - by mraow123 (man) - United States

Today, while the kid I was babysitting was in the bathroom, he called to me "I need some help in here." Worried I ran to the bathroom and asked him what was wrong. He needed me to wipe his butt. As if that weren't gross enough, just as my hand was under his butt, he pooped again and laughed. FML

#2421163
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58536) - you deserved it (5748)

On 05/30/2009 at 12:24am - kids - by sdasdflkjas (woman) - United States

Today, I tried to imitate Mary Poppins by jumping off a shed with an umbrella. I spent the next 3 hours in the emergency room. My leg is broken. FML

#2418263
450 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20887) - you deserved it (219739)

On 05/29/2009 at 11:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!". FML

#2045344
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68073) - you deserved it (7704)

On 05/18/2009 at 8:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, I realised that my glade plug-in air freshner lasts longer than any of my relationships have. FML

#1956453
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47350) - you deserved it (9303)

On 05/15/2009 at 2:14am - love - by heartless (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I scored two prime baseball tickets from a supplier at work. I phoned my dad to tell him the good news. He said that's great, my brother and him would love to see the game. I said, no, I'm taking you to the game. He told me I was being selfish and hung up the phone. FML

#1926739
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61876) - you deserved it (2582)

On 05/14/2009 at 10:17am - misc - by Hank (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my friend had to take my cat who has a tumor to be put down when I wasn't home since I couldn't bare to take him myself. I have two cats. He took the wrong one. FML

#1815627
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (420619) - you deserved it (59679)

On 05/10/2009 at 3:01pm - animals - by catlady (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML

#1704585
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61899) - you deserved it (2690)

On 05/06/2009 at 9:43pm - misc - by Gumfanatic302 (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was home alone while my mom went out to dinner. I decided to hop in the shower, and I noticed my mom left her douche in there. After, I texted her telling her what I found and that it was gross. Her response? "It's not gross. It came from my vagina, like you and your sister." FML

#1040917
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45406) - you deserved it (21133)

On 04/16/2009 at 11:08pm - health - by duuuuude (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML

#800425
343 comments

I agree, your life sucks (282515) - you deserved it (19070)

On 04/04/2009 at 2:15pm - intimacy - by GuitarChick42 (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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