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Today, at my job as a produce clerk at a grocery store, I had an entire conversation with my coworker about how nice the new cabbage boxes are. This is all it takes to thrill me these days. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15682) - you deserved it (2013)
On 10/26/2011 at 2:36am - work - by insanitycalling - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I was napping. I woke up to my pillow making some sounds. Thinking it was my head shifting my pillow, I went back to sleep. Later on I woke up to the sounds again, and a mouse staring at my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20764) - you deserved it (1992)
On 10/25/2011 at 3:17am - animals - by pinkjade - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me because he "can't date someone who supports the war". We started dating because he thought I looked cute in my uniform. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10165) - you deserved it (1140)
On 10/24/2011 at 8:13pm - love - by soldiergirl - United States
Today, I was at a shooting range with my father. The target was a creepy poster of a man. My father said, "This one is for your boyfriend." Perfect groin shot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17735) - you deserved it (2636)
On 10/23/2011 at 7:08pm - love - by Mrs. Terrified - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I mopped all the floors in my house. When I was finally done, I accidentally knocked over an open bottle of soda. My cats took this as a perfect opportunity to chase each other around, step in the soda, and track sticky paw prints everywhere. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17408) - you deserved it (4546)
On 10/23/2011 at 5:02pm - animals - by kengu (woman) - Norway (Vestfold)
Today, I was sitting in my room while my mom was talking to my uncle. I had my door open. She said "Yeah my son doesn't know I have his phone password. Girls nowadays are real sluts." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20376) - you deserved it (5651)
On 10/23/2011 at 1:30am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my five-year-old daughter came home from school. It was cold and she was very tired. I said, "Take off your socks and blow your nose." She took off her socks and blew her nose into them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6847) - you deserved it (4833) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, I was driving my eight year-old son to school when a guy cut me off, prompting me to yell "douche bag" as a reflex out of the window. Realizing my mistake, I turned to my son and told him to never, ever talk like that. His response was, "Too late, douche bag." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8335) - you deserved it (27573)
On 10/12/2011 at 8:37am - kids - by John W. (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, after a week of searching, I found my escaped snake. In my umbrella, outside, after opening it over my head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18095) - you deserved it (5552)
On 10/11/2011 at 11:22am - misc - by lollymay13 (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)
Today, I was talking with my uncle, when the subject of my abusive mother-in-law came up. He assured me he'd talk to her and straighten things out. Apparently this means posting on her Facebook wall threatening to "pimp-slap a bitch" if she doesn't get her "fat ass out of family business". FML
I agree, your life sucks (18594) - you deserved it (2181)
On 10/07/2011 at 10:40pm - misc - by ...... (woman) - United States (Utah)
Today, I was walking down the street on my way to work, when an old lady's walking stick caught my leg and sent me crashing to the ground. She apologised for the accident and watched me stumble to my feet. I said not to worry. Just as I turned to leave, I could swear a smirk crept over her face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17739) - you deserved it (1991)
Today, on my way home, my girlfriend started sexting me, telling me that she was waiting at my house. In my rush to get home to see her, I got pulled over and had to be patted down. He found no weapons, but he did find my stiffy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26046) - you deserved it (7623)
On 10/04/2011 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by Username - United States
Today, I realized that it has been so long since my wife and I were intimate that I got slightly turned on watching her suck the meat off chicken wings. I'm jealous of fried, sauce-soaked poultry. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24553) - you deserved it (3134)
On 10/02/2011 at 2:05am - intimacy - by therevsev - United States
Today, the clerk at Walmart asked me if the stretch mark cream I was buying was for my wife. I wish I could've said yes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15632) - you deserved it (2531)
On 09/29/2011 at 1:01am - health - by random0605 - United States (Utah)
Today, a man punched me for sleeping with his wife. Bewildered, I insisted I would never sleep with a married woman, to which he retorted "She wasn't my wife when it HAPPENED, dumbass!" I was assaulted for sleeping with my own girlfriend three years ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32315) - you deserved it (2513)
On 09/27/2011 at 3:53pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
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