About Mjfalcon : Football
Im a chill guy. Message me if you want. Bye.
About Mjfalcon : Football
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Mjfalcon's favorite FMLs
Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML
by Anonymous / 07/29/2011 at 8:31pm / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, I locked myself in the bathroom and started spanking the ferret. I started to get really into it when my dad started pounding on the door and yelled, "Son, that's great staying power, but can you finish up already?" FML
by Anonymous / 05/06/2011 at 2:09pm / Saudi Arabia / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/03/2011 at 11:14am / United States (Texas) / Love
by Toothy / 04/02/2011 at 1:03am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/04/2011 at 12:42am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/29/2010 at 12:20am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, whilst driving to the store, an idiot driver found it to be okay to drive ridiculously fast in below freezing temperatures on the ice and snow. As he passed my car, I angrily gave him the finger. And then I realized I was wearing mittens. FML
by Anonymous / 11/25/2010 at 12:24am / United States (Washington) / Transportation
Today, my parents asked me if I had a nice time with my girlfriend at the amusement park I took her to yesterday. She was pretty freaked out by some of the rides so without thinking I said, "Yeah, but she sure is a screamer." My parents then exchange a look and say, "Oh trust us, we know." FML
by Anonymous / 11/14/2010 at 2:36am / Reserved / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/13/2010 at 2:14am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/13/2010 at 1:24am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I am 3 months pregnant. While lying on the couch with morning sickness, my boyfriend farted loudly and filled the room with a smell so horrifying that I immediately threw up all over my coffee table. He spent the next 20 minutes texting his friends about this "epic" moment. FML
by Anonymous / 11/09/2010 at 1:32pm / United States (New York) / Health
Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML
by Anonymous / 10/13/2010 at 9:20am / Spain (Asturias) / Intimacy
Today, I dropped my iPod Touch underneath concrete slab steps, and it's physically impossible to get it back. If you stand above where the iPod is, you can still hear it play music. It's like it's mocking me. FML
by Anonymous / 09/20/2010 at 7:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Geek
Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped at it, the grasshopper jumped onto my chest and into my shirt. Instead of helping me get it out, my boyfriend leaned back and said, "It got to second base faster than I did." FML
by tickyette / 09/14/2010 at 3:27am / United States / Love
by nickim756 / 09/12/2010 at 10:29pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy