About Mitch_Connor : Life sucks, which is why I need FML to remind me that some have it even worse.
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Mitch_Connor's favorite FMLs
Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML
by Anonymous / 09/04/2011 at 12:21pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my dad told me I'm no longer allowed to see my boyfriend. Apparently there is a deer camera above my driveway that snaps pictures whenever it senses movement. Too bad I didn't know that when I was giving my boyfriend head in the driveway. FML
by Username / 08/31/2011 at 3:36am / United States / Intimacy
by girlsx2mom / 08/31/2011 at 2:24am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I visited my son at work. He's an interpreter for the government. As I watched him converse with a group of men, I was overcome with pride. Then the woman next to me said "I can't believe they're talking about that in public." They were discussing masturbation techniques. FML
by mystupidson / 08/30/2011 at 11:30pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
by Annie / 08/30/2011 at 11:17pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML
by Anonymous / 08/30/2011 at 1:35pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
by slut / 08/29/2011 at 12:22pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out apparently, I have a weird looking vagina. How? My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He took one look at my vagina and with a look of horror said, "I have never seen one this GROSS." He's a gynecologist and probably sees 20 vaginas a day. FML
by Username / 08/21/2011 at 5:59am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by Emily / 08/21/2011 at 12:54am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I learned the hard way that when a pierced, tattooed, and otherwise extremely stereotypical biker chick jokingly threatens to find you and beat you up if you don't call her back after a one-night stand, she's not actually joking. FML
by owmyhead / 08/20/2011 at 8:08pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by jimmy / 08/19/2011 at 5:57pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
by nerofirst / 08/19/2011 at 9:40am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, after a tennis lesson, the coach was picking up the stray tennis balls around the court. Trying to be helpful, I asked him, "Do you want me to grab your ball bag?" His eyeballs almost burst out of their sockets. FML
by BigmouthStrikesAgain / 08/18/2011 at 8:18pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
by AllieOops / 08/17/2011 at 5:14am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/14/2011 at 8:25pm / United States / Intimacy
- Today, I discovered that my ceiling has been littering small white flakes of paint onto my head. It… Today, I realized that I need to rethink buying shirts that are a little tight on me when a 7 year… Today is my birthday. I'm too hung over to move, the sim card in my phone has disappeared, I tipped…